Today's "Am I the Asshole" Reddit story comes from a 26-year-old woman who lives with her 27-year-old husband's parents. "His father had some health issues and needed some care so we agreed to move in to help out. My father-in-law is doing better now, but there are still a few things he can’t do anymore that my husband does for him. We’ve discussed moving out (I want to), but my in-laws are very resistant to the idea, stating that there’s plenty of room here, and they don’t know what they’d do without us, etc."
The Original Poster (OP) — u/Soft_Career_8688 — said her in-laws don't charge them to live there but that was their decision. "We pay for groceries for everyone and several household bills — electricity, internet, TV packages, etc. (The house is mortgage-free.) I also do all the household cleaning and cooking. I arrange and take all their pets to their veterinary appointments, too. We also pay half of any house modifications/upgrades as ‘it’ll be your house one day.'"
Recently, the OP has become resentful. "I feel resentful of the fact that once they are all done with work, they can come home and relax; whereas, I finish work and have to cook and clean and have no help. On the weekends, I spend half of the day cleaning the house while they do what they want."
"This all came to a head last week. I was really unwell; I felt the worst I’ve ever felt and wanted nothing more than to sleep. However, once it got around to dinner time, I was woken by my mother-in-law to ask when I was getting up to make dinner. I didn’t want to cause an argument so I just got up and made dinner for them, but as I was in the kitchen struggling not to pass out, the three of them sat watching a movie, waiting for me to bring in their food."
"I didn’t say anything at first. I waited until my husband and I were alone to bring up my concerns about the lack of help. My husband apologized and offered to help more which I accepted, but the next day was an exact repeat — I had to drag myself out of bed to cook, and once I’d brought in their food, my MIL said, ‘Oh, you look truly awful! Poor you! Oh, BTW later would you mind giving everywhere an extra clean? I don’t want to get whatever you have.’"
That pushed the OP over the edge. "I accused them of treating me like a live-in maid and not caring about me outside of the services I provide for them. I pointed out that I wouldn’t be in the communal areas if I hadn’t been dragged out to cook and that they could have handled one meal themselves. My husband sat there in silence."
"He thinks I should have brought it up more carefully, at a time when I wasn't so 'emotional.' I agree that I probably should have, but I was sick and stressed," she said about her husband's reaction.
Now the OP wants to move out, but her husband and in-laws are against it. "Nothing has changed with what they expect from me. I got no apology, just silent treatment from MIL for a couple of days."
Here is what Reddit users are saying:
"You're not an asshole, but take a good look at your husband. He knew you were sick. You work, too. And he just let you suffer. Even with you telling him, he thought you would just keep serving him. Even if you weren't sick, this arrangement is highly unfair to you. Your husband saves money and doesn't need to lift a finger, and your in-laws save money and don't have to lift a finger. Children living with their parents have chores. These adults are sooo lazy. I'm angry right now. You deserve sooo much better." —u/CakeEatingRabbit
"Get out now, with or without your husband. Nothing will change because everyone, except you, is fine with the situation. No, your husband doesn’t care, because if he did, he would have done something about it. Pack your bags and leave." —u/Lisbei
"So you got married, and instead of starting a family of your own, you get to take care of your husband's parents? The exploitation here is outrageous. Sounds almost like you’ve been set up by all of them. Agreeing to move in was your first mistake, but since that’s already done and over with, staying in this situation will be your second mistake, and will have far broader consequences for everything pertaining to your marriage. You need to get your own family started. Staying in the situation you are in will surely end your marriage. Eventually, you will be tired of being the hired help and not a wife with a home, privacy, and money saved up." —u/roxywalker
"Are you supposed to just keep quiet and know your place as the servant? Basically, your in-laws are making use of you, and your husband just stands by in silence. You're definitely not the asshole and should move out." —u/charisbee
"They don't treat you like a maid...to them, you are a maid. They are holding that house like a carrot in front of you. Don't let them. They can reach the age of 90 with you still cleaning after them!" —u/Aggressive_Cup8452
"I think you obviously know you're NTA, but the question is what do you do about it? Half of the problem (at least half) is actually your husband. What makes you think that this is going to stop after your in-laws are gone, in another decade or so? You're putting your foot down in their house, and they already seem like completely entitled hosts. This is a make-or-break situation. Either your husband switches to team-you, or you get your own place and go into couples counseling, which might be a good idea anyway." —u/G1Gestalt
OK, the floor is yours! Let us know your thoughts and advice in the comments!
