Hello world. Meet the lovely Jen Gordon. She got married in October of 2018 and her wedding was anything but dull!
However, the moments leading up to her big day weren't all rainbows and butterflies — 29-year-old Jen has suffered from panic disorder and anxiety since she was in college. She told BuzzFeed, "It has prevented me from being in crowds, large social settings, and even from being a bridesmaid at my best friend's wedding. After I got engaged, I immediately began to worry that I wouldn’t be able to get married."
Jen said she was very worried about the fact that she might have a panic attack being the center of attention at her own wedding. "While most brides spend the months leading up to their wedding planning, I was practicing breathing techniques for my wedding day and going through practice runs of being in crowds...all while 'Bodak Yellow' by Cardi B was blasting in my headphones," she explained.
On Jen's wedding day, right before the ceremony started, she listened to "Bodak Yellow." "I took a deep breath, like I had practiced the whole year before, and walked down the aisle. With Cardi B’s confidence still running through my veins, I nailed the ceremony and was able to marry the man I love without a worry in the world. After accomplishing a feat a year in the making, the world was my oyster and, come hell or high water, 'Bodak Yellow' was going to be a part of this special day, especially because it had gotten me there," she said.
Jen said she really wanted to be able to perform "Bodak Yellow" at her reception because it had such an impact on her life, but wasn't sure if she'd be able to do it due to her anxiety. Anyway, when it came down to it, let's just say Cardi B's powerful words gave Jen the confidence she needed, because she did it...and she SLAYED the performance:
Jen said her mom was very hesitant about her performing the song. "My mom thought I was adding too much stress on myself during an already monumental day. But, as I was performing on stage, I made eye contact with her and she was beaming with pride. She was witnessing her daughter face and overcome a year-long battle with anxiety. To everyone else, it looked like I was just performing Cardi B, but I was conquering my disorder and making up for all the years it prevented me from doing things I wanted to do," she said.
Jen's TikTok videos of her performance quickly went viral, gaining nearly 5 million views. "To be honest, I was scared of all the attention it was getting! All of the feedback has been really positive, but my favorite comments are from fellow panic sufferers, even future brides going through the same thing, who say this video gave them hope," Jen explained.
"To future brides, I say this: It is your wedding, it is your day, and don’t you forget that. If you’re thinking of doing something at your wedding that is getting a lot of pushback, think about how much you’re pushing back the pushback. If there’s a lot, I’d say it’s something pretty important to you, and, therefore, something you absolutely should do," Jen said, adding, "I hope every bride takes these words of advice from Cardi B’s 'Bodak Yellow' song...'Honestly, don’t give a f*ck 'bout who in front of me'...and do whatever the hell they want to on their day!"
