In an Ask Reddit thread, an anonymous Reddit user asked sons of single mothers to share something that all moms need to know about raising a boy. Below are their answers:
1. "If they’ve hit puberty, knock and wait before entering. It will save both parties some trauma and awkwardness."
2. "Do NOT constantly remind them that they are 'boys' who're supposed to be 'tough' and who will have to grow up to be a 'strong man'. It will obliterate their ability to have any kind of emotional conversation with anyone they love."
3. "Don’t harass him about people he likes or is dating. It’s not funny or cute to prod, it’s uncomfortable as hell and not something everyone wants to really talk about."
4. "They won't understand immediately what you are thinking, you need to explain it to them. Otherwise, they will be upset with you for making them do something for no reason from their point of view."
5. "Definitely educate yourself about the male body. My mother never understood it and could never teach me about myself. I had to discover everything myself — and I did but those were some years filled with strong anxiety."
"Research male puberty so you're prepared to give 'the talk.' Also, be prepared to teach your son how to shave. And don't be afraid to expose him to girly things too! Every boy should have an understanding of the female body because it helps them empathize with their female friends and family. Don't be afraid to share your interests and hobbies with your son too, it will only deepen your bond! One of my fondest memories of growing up was watching the Golden Girls with my mom."
"Not a son of a single mother but a medical student: please for the love of god teach your son to dry his penis after he leaves the shower. You have no idea how many rashes and infections are caused by that."
Here's an article on how to clean your penis.
6. "Don’t coddle them or act like they’re five years old. Learn to give them independence and grow up."
7. "If you don't like the men you've met, raise your son to be a better man. Don't just constantly berate males in general to your son and expect him to just be better. Never give your son (or daughter) the 'You think you have problems, you're just a kid. You don't even know what problems are' speech."
"Don’t berate or trash-talk men with sweeping generalizations. My mom is a single mom and my dad split when I was 10. My mom trash-talked my dad so much that for about two weeks I just about resented women until I realized how foolish and ignorant it was of me to do that. Treat men and women with equal respect. Think with your brain, not your emotions."
8. "Make condoms available. Don’t try and fool yourself that your son will not have sex before you think he will. Just put some in a drawer that he readily has access to. His bathroom drawer is generally a good spot but, hey, the kitchen junk drawer works too."
9. "Teach your son consent. Explicit consent needs to be drilled into boys — the earlier the better. It’s one thing that can have devastating consequences."
10. "Please never put another man before your son. Also, he is not his father, so don't hold him accountable for things that his father may have done."
"This goes for a boy OR girl, but never, ever, compare your child to the parent that left. Every time my mom says, 'Don't act like [dead beat]' or 'don't make that face, you look like [dead beat],' it breaks my heart because I know just how much she hates him and I don't want that for anyone else."
—Anonymous
11. "A teenage boy is going to have mood swings from I want to punch everything to I want to hump everything... He needs outlets to deal with both. And both are helped with healthy doses of privacy so he can sort it out."
12. "Don't tease your kid about puberty — it fucking sucks. It really weighs on you as a kid. And don't look through their room. It is super rude, and it gives off that you don't give a frick about them. My mom did this to me and was surprised that she found items that she did not want to find."
13. "Teach them to give compliments. My daughter actually taught me that everyone loves a compliment and it's amazing what a nice word can mean to a stranger or a friend."
14. "If they say they're fine or they want to be left alone, just let them be. Harassing them is just gonna make it worse, wait a bit then try to get them to open up. Otherwise, let them be alone and quietly monitor them, they need that sense of privacy/independence."
15. "Do not wake up boys in the morning and immediately ask them to get out of bed. It will result in a very awkward conversation neither of us wants to have. Wake us up and tell us to come do whatever you need in a few minutes."
16. "Do not expect your son to fill your missing spouse's role. My mom would constantly act like I was some male patriarch of the house, constantly giving me extra stress like financial concerns and death plans. She gave me an unnecessary amount of stress and didn't allow me to have much of a fun childhood since I was 'playing dad.'"
17. "Boys like to learn too. Some of us may be hard to get to sit still, but we like learning. Boys also like to play, and we shouldn't be shamed for wanting to play more than wanting to do work."
18. "Just because a boy in puberty closes his bedroom door does not mean it's automatically masturbation time. Guys will sometimes need privacy to just be by themselves. When a boy starts becoming a man, he will want times when he doesn't have to interact with you. It won't mean he's being 'moody' or he's wanking it. Plenty of times I'd close and lock my door and continue doing exactly what I was doing when the door was open."
19. "Learn how to fuck off once in a while. Hovering parents make kids want to escape when they get older and suddenly parents wonder why their kid won’t spend any time with them."
20. "Don't marry someone you don't love because you think your son needs a father figure and don't marry for the sake of financial stability. My mom did, no one came out of it happy."
21. And, finally, this is just a reminder for all the moms out there: "The hardest thing I ever heard in my life was my mom apologizing to me on her deathbed 'for not being a better mom.' As parents, we just assume our kids see and realize every fuck up or every blessing but honestly, kids don't know the difference. Mom is still a fucking superhero in our lives."
