In another rendition of Reddit's "Am I the Asshole," we have a scenario where a woman raised the eyebrows of MANY people after asking if she was a jerk for not attending a dinner to celebrate her husband's promotion. Let's get into it!
User u/Willing_Strawberries explains, "My husband has been working really hard the last two years to advance at his company, and he finally got the promotion he's been after. I'm really, really proud of him. His parents are, too, and wanted to take us all out to dinner to celebrate. My husband absolutely loves prime rib, and there's only one place in our area that serves it, so he picked that restaurant..."
The only issue is u/Willing_Strawberries says she's "not too fond of steak." She elaborated, saying she eats it but prefers chicken or fish. "The place had only one fish entree and two chicken entrees, and none of them sounded good for various reasons. I suggested my husband pick someplace else. He refused, citing that we rarely get to go to this place but go to other places in our area regularly — which is true, but those places have lots of variety so everyone can eat."
"He suggested that I ask if they could prepare the fish or chicken without the marinades or sauces, but I didn't want to be difficult for the kitchen staff. His next suggestion was that I order dessert while everyone else has entrees, and then when we were done, he would take me where I wanted so I could eat dinner while he and the kids ate dessert," she explained.
After all of that, u/Willing_Strawberries decided not to go because she "didn't want to sit there not eating and not having a good time while everyone else was." Her husband pleaded with her to still come so he could "celebrate with the people most important to him," but she still refused.
Ultimately, her husband went without her but came back in just an hour with their kids — they all had to-go boxes. "He said he couldn't think of what to tell the kids about why I didn't go when they kept asking without lying or making me sound bad, so he just got an order for them to go and let the kids spend some time with their grandparents talking in the parking lot."
"I told him he should have stayed, but he said that I put him in a bad spot with the kids, that I knew he wanted everyone there, and that I should've just gotten over my picky eating for one night. I maintain if he really wanted us to all eat dinner as a family, then he should've picked a restaurant with a more accommodating menu. Am I the asshole?"
If you weren't heated reading that, well, everyone on Reddit sure was. u/TendoninBOB said, "You're the asshole, selfish, and a poor partner."
They continued with, "Don’t lie. It wasn’t that there was nothing you could eat, there was nothing you WANTED. You also were too scared to ask the staff for a substitution. It’s one dinner. You won’t starve if you don’t eat everything on the plate, nor will it poison you. Your husband doesn’t get to go to this restaurant he likes often because he is honoring your wishes most of the time, but you can’t deal with it for him one time. You basically told your family, 'My food preferences are more important than your feelings or supporting you.' THEN you left your husband in the awkward spot of having to try and lie for you. Because if he told everyone the real reason you missed the dinner, they would be calling you an asshole like this entire thread is. Apologize. And learn that sometimes you don’t get everything exactly how you want it."
"You don’t want to be difficult by asking the restaurant to alter their meal but will crap all over your husband's celebratory night? It’s one meal, sis. Get a plain salad, have some bread and water, and get over yourself," said u/volcanicpale.
Commenter u/Straight-Singer-2912 added, "You're the asshole. They had at least three entree options for you, and surely a few appetizer options you could have doubled up on, but you couldn't deal with it for one night for HIM and HIS celebration? You made it all about you. He made suggestions, wanted the kids there, you made this your hill to die on. IT WAS HIS EVENT! HIS CELEBRATION FOR A JOB WELL DONE! You're the asshole. Did I mention that already?"
"Asshole. You couldn't eat something that didn't sound amazing to you to celebrate your husband's accomplishments? You couldn't even settle on a drink and dessert? I can't imagine not being able to sacrifice my total comfort for 90 minutes to celebrate the achievements of my husband. You could have eaten before, after, or just ordered fucking chicken and dealt with it. You sound like Veruca Salt."
—Anonymous
People also pointed out how u/Willing_Strawberries said she "rarely" eats steak, but this was the perfect "rare" occasion to do so.
"Or you could have asked the kitchen staff to make chicken/fish without sauces, but you couldn't even be bothered asking for that. My read is you deliberately sabotaged your husband's celebration dinner using your food preferences as an excuse," said u/zwergschnauzer.
"In my experience, when someone ruins a moment (like this moment to celebrate), it doesn’t matter how much they apologize or try and make up with another event (like dinner or whatever), the whole thing just leaves a bad feeling, and I don’t want to celebrate anymore. In fact, I just want to forget the whole thing and pretend I didn’t achieve anything," u/Chi_Tiki also pointed out how the moment was ruined.
People also talked about how u/Willing_Strawberries didn't want to be difficult for the kitchen staff but had no problem being difficult for her family. Even an anonymous person who worked in the restaurant industry chimed in about this one, sharing, "As a former chef, I can tell you that it's usually not a big deal to leave a sauce off or cook a plain chicken breast. ... I did it for kids all the time."
And a big reason people thought she was the asshole was because she didn't even have a food allergy, she was just being picky. "You absolutely ruined what was supposed to be a celebration. You were incredibly selfish, and yet, your husband still protected your image with the kids by not telling them the truth and making you look bad," someone anonymously added.
