Reddit's r/relationship_advice column does exactly what it is named for: helping give people relationship advice. And, a recent question from u/Temporary_Wish_7261 has thousands of people chiming in with their thoughts...
She starts the thread by explaining, "My fiancé and I have been together for eight years. As a whole, we have a great, stable relationship, but I can't move past my constant disappointment with his proposal. I didn't receive a 'this is why I love you' speech or a grand gesture of asking me to marry him — he never even got down on one knee (not that it's the end of the world, but it's just painting the picture)."
It happened on the last day of a camping trip they were on — one that she was certain he was going to propose on. "The evening of the last day, he only wanted to go fishing. So I sat in my kayak and cried to myself for over an hour thinking it wasn't going to happen. He didn't propose at any beautiful hiking viewpoints or sunsets throughout the week, and we were leaving in the morning. When we brought the kayaks in after fishing until dark, he went to the truck, came back, and handed me a ring box saying, 'This should make you happy.'"
U/Temporary_Wish_7261 said she suggested him proposing to her "a few times over the years, and he HATED the idea." She added, "I wasn't going to do something he wouldn't be happy with just to speed things along for myself."
Ultimately, she said yes. Fast-forward a year later — where they are now a month out from their wedding day — and she booked the same campsite on the same lake on the day, hinting that he could "make the proposal up to her."
"He did not even acknowledge the anniversary of our engagement. I can't move forward from this. I cry when friends get beautiful engagements, I cry watching rom-coms. I feel nothing but disappointment that I will never experience the gesture of love I dreamed about my whole life. Any time we have a disagreement or I feel unwanted by him, I am just reminded of the disappointment I feel in regard to the proposal. I don't even enjoy looking at my beautiful ring because it doesn't bring me a happy memory," she said.
She said her feelings about the proposal have completely clouded her feelings about him. "I don't want to ruin my relationship over this, but I don't know how to move on. He said he can't change how things happened, which is true, but it's been over a year, and I can't seem to move past my disappointment."
Redditer users came in hot and heavy with their thoughts! Like user u/BusAggravating5260 who did not hold back, "My parents' engagement was similar except he threw it to her and said, 'Have this.' They’re divorced now."
U/orangecrushisbest blatantly said, "It's a shut-up ring. I wouldn't accept it."
"'This should make you happy' is not a proposal at all. You would be well within your rights to give it back until he actually asks you to marry him. Honestly, he doesn’t really sound like he likes you that much. Sad to say your resentment toward him will most likely continue to grow. Don’t get married until this is resolved," said u/Disastrous_Ad_8561.
U/HoshiJones said they rolled their eyes at the situation, "That is the single most shitty proposal I've ever heard of. It implies that he's doing you a fucking favor. I wouldn't be able to get past that either. You need to talk to him and get to the bottom of it. Does he not want to marry you?"
Some people think she was expecting too much, however. "If you’re the type of person who needs grand gestures, then you will be sorely disappointed throughout your marriage. If he can’t make a grand gesture to propose, then he definitely will not for anniversaries and birthdays, etc. You need to decide if this is something that you can live with or not. If not, you know what you need to do," said u/freudianfalls.
Either way, most people agree they need couples counseling before they tie the knot. "Forget the bullshit that people in this thread are telling you about your expectations are too high or you have a princess mentality. A marriage proposal should be exciting and joyous. One partner is asking the other to spend the rest of their life with them. If that is what they really want, they should be excited to propose, and excited to move into the next phase of their relationship/life together. Having a ring box handed to you and being told, 'This should make you happy' is the exact opposite of that. I don't think he is excited to marry you, to spend the rest of his life with you, or to build a future with you..."
"...I've seen literal high school kids put more effort into asking someone to go to prom with them or asking a classmate to be fake married for a parenting project. It's time that you stop hinting at what you want and you need to stop dancing around his feelings because he certainly didn't care about yours with that lame-ass proposal. In couples counseling it will give you the space and tools to have this discussion in the open and say what you need to say without worrying about how he will react."