1.
Feeling like you have to take the biggest shit of your life.
2.
And wondering if it's the baby coming or if you're actually pooping.
3.
Being told you've dilated only ONE more centimeter after HOURS of contractions.
4.
Being scared to death of tearing ALL THE WAY.
5.
Spreading eagle for too many medical professionals to count.
6.
Being asked if some med students can come watch.
7.
Wishing you would have given your legs (or lady parts) one last shave.
8.
Angrily yelling at anything anyone says.
9.
Not having enough ice.
10.
Feeling like the contractions are so bad and so close together that you're going to pass out.
11.
Convincing yourself this is the LAST baby you will ever have.
12.
Not being able to process any information or answer any questions because the pain is so bad.
13.
Feeling like a badass when you hear the words "I see the head!"
14.
Realizing that after the head is out, the baby literally just shoots out.
15.
Being flat-out uncomfortable delivering the placenta AFTER the baby.
16.
Not being able to feel your legs or stand up if you had an epidural.
17.
Getting your vagina stitched up afterwards.
18.
Realizing that they put hats on babies because their heads come out cone-shaped.
19.
Having to wear underwear and a pad the size of the Titanic after delivery.
And that, my friends, is what it's like to vaginally deliver a baby.
