Here we are, yet again, with another Reddit user and another dilemma they need help with. ARE THEY THE ASSHOLE?! Well, that's up for you to decide...
Today we have a 30-year-old man — let's refer to him as the OP (Original Poster) — who has a brother with two preschool–aged kids, his nephews. His brother's wife (his sister-in-law) is a stay-at-home mom and his brother travels a lot for work. Since his brother is often away, he told his wife that if she needed anything she should rely on the OP.
So, let's get into the current issue at hand. "My brother flew out of town for work last week. The next day I got a call from his wife asking if I could watch the kids while she got her hair cut for her sister's upcoming wedding. I said no because I already had to attend my girlfriend's art event. My SIL pressured me, saying stuff like, 'An art event isn't more important than your nephews' and 'Your brother is counting on you and he said I could rely on you' — the usual guilt-tripping nonsense. I said no means no and hung up."
Then, literally minutes later, the OP got a text from his SIL. "She said she was on her way to drop the kids off and I better not leave! I didn't reply I just got dressed quickly and got the fuck out of there before she came."
After he left, he got a call from his neighbor saying his SIL was repeatedly knocking and checking all the windows in his home. He told his neighbor to ignore her until she eventually left. When the SIL finally left, she called the OP nonstop. He ignored all her calls.
"Hours later, my brother called and was mad saying what I did was fucking childish and that I was terrible uncle to bail on my nephews and SIL when they needed my help. I told him what went down but he sided with his wife and called me unreliable, irresponsible, and a weasel. I tried to cut the argument, but he said he was disappointed in me and my childish behavior but I thought that was too much, frankly. My SIL was and still is incredibly upset with me. My brother got back but is refusing to see me until I apologize, which is fucking hurtful of him."
This is when the people of Reddit get to chime in with their thoughts on whether or not the OP is an asshole for their behavior. Here is why they strongly believed he was NOT an asshole:
"Not the asshole. Not your kids, not your responsibility. Tell her and your brother to hire a babysitter instead of being entitled assholes who violate clearly established boundaries."
"Next time SIL pulls that 'brother said I could count on you' crap, tell her that’s exactly right. You’re brother said that but that doesn’t mean you actually agreed to it. Make it clear to both of them, in no uncertain terms, that you are not their at-will sitter and that things need to be scheduled at least 24–48 hours ahead of time for you to be expected to watch them. If they say no, that’s the end of the discussion and they need to find a sitter. Every time they try to guilt you, just keep saying no. Nothing more. No is a complete sentence."
"NTA. You did not bail on your nephews — you never agreed to watch them. Your SIL bailed on her kids."
"When I was that young, my two brothers and I would sit quietly at the hairdresser's while my mom got her hair cut. We'd get to bring one quiet toy or a picture book."
"Stand your ground and say NO means NO. Your brother and SIL need to realize that you're not the built-in babysitter for their whims AFTER telling them no you won't watch their kids. Next time, if SIL still decides to drop the kids off and knocks on the door, windows, and whatever, let your neighbors call the police 'thinking there's a crazy prowler.'"
Phew! Lots of valid points were made. Do you agree with them? Or do you side with the SIL and brother? Tell us your viewpoint in the comments!
