Let's face it. Flying with a baby isn't exactly "fun" — for the parents or the passengers. If you need proof, just Google it and you'll find a plethora of flying-with-a-baby survival guides for parents and lots of message boards about whether or not non-parents should be annoyed by babies on planes.
Well, Reddit user u/kthrowaway244 recently faced a situation where she didn't want to fly with her baby. She first starts off with a little backstory, explaining how her parents hate her husband but "accept him for her happiness."
"It’s not like my husband is a bad person. My parents just had someone else in mind. Anyway, my parents moved back to where we’re from while I stayed, and I eventually met my husband. We’ve been dating since 19, and we kept our relationship secret from my parents for years until he proposed to me," she explained.
And now that u/kthrowaway244 has given birth to their first child, her parents want to meet him...but the flight to see them would be over 10 hours. "I get anxious thinking about it, and I’ve put it off for a long time — even asked my parents if they could fly over (we’d pay for everything), but they said it was disrespectful for me to even ask."
"So, I’ve been stuck in a thing of 'fine, we’ll come' and 'no, I can’t do this,' and it’s affecting my whole life. My mom calls me twice a day just to remind me that I have to come and that she wants to see her grandbaby before he gets too big, but I finally came to the conclusion that I can’t," she said.
U/kthrowaway244 further explained that her son is "a fussy baby and needs to be held a lot." For that reason, she doesn't want to take him on a plane. "I’m terrified of the reaction we might get on the plane since he does make a lot of noise. If it was a smaller flight, I could make do, but it would be over 10 hours. I’m exhausted just thinking about it, and then I have to deal with my parents and their passive-aggressive comments right after."
"I called my mom and told her that we won’t be coming. She got very angry and kept ranting about my husband keeping us away from them. She eventually said, 'Forget it, we don’t want to see his child. Don’t call us again.'"
"My aunt (who I don’t talk to) said that she’s very upset with me, and my mom has been so excited to see the baby, but we crushed her. Apparently, my dad doesn’t want to see the baby, but my mom really does (but she refuses to travel without him) which is why she’s been pushing me so hard. I feel bad because I know how much my mom adores babies, and I get she’s in a tough spot, but I can’t fly for over 10 hours with a 4-month-old. AITA?"
Redditors right away deemed her not the asshole. "A baby doesn't need to be on an airplane for 10 hours, then in a totally different time zone for however long your stay lasts, then back on a plane. The pressure changes during the flights are hard on their ears and sinuses. Then there are all the possible infections from the baby being exposed to everyone you encounter on the trip. In grad school, I took microbiology classes; one of my professors said that babies shouldn't go anywhere for at least six months because their immune systems need to develop. Keep your baby healthy, stay home! Hard on you, harder on the baby. Your mother said don't call again. I am sure this hurts, but take her at her word for now."
"Tell your aunt that you are not keeping the baby away from your parents. You are keeping him away from colds, influenza, COVID, whooping cough, norovirus, and RSV until his immune system is better developed. If Mom has a problem with that, so be it. It's her problem, not yours. You are the baby's mother. Take ownership of that. You made the decision, not your husband — and your parents just cannot handle the fact that they cannot bully you into doing their bidding. They have options if they want to see him. They are choosing not to exercise those options and blame you. Personally, the petty in me would snarkily tell mom and auntie that you'll make sure to tell your son when he is older about how his grandparents refused to meet him."
"I have done the 4-month-old on a 14-hour flight thing. Complications ensued, and it wound up being 30 hours (diapers ran out around hour 20). If your mom wants to see the kid, she can get on a plane."
"Your mother is selfish and manipulative. If she really wanted to see your child, she'd get on a plane without creating drama. I'm sorry to say that I don't think that she is that concerned about seeing your child — she just wants to look like a good grandma. A truly loving grandmother would not want her precious grandbaby on a germy plane, much less put pressure on you to come. A truly loving grandma would get on the plane herself — without grandpa — and come to spend time with your child. I suspect that your father might come along if she made reservations for herself. You have your own darling family now, OP. Don't let your parents' toxicity extend to another generation. If their whining and manipulative behavior bothers you too much, get some therapy to help you deal with it."
