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Husband: Does it bother you when I... Wife: YES
Husband: Does it bother you when I —
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) June 12, 2020
Me: Yes.
Hallmark needs to come out with some real talk anniversary cards.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) June 6, 2020
I’m needing something that says, "I'm just as surprised as you are that we’re still together.”
My wife just compared being married to me with eating junk food. It‘s good and easy in the moment but never satisfying and actually really bad for your long term health.
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) September 22, 2019
I’ve realized I’m at the point in my marriage where I assume that any time my husband disappears, he’s probably off taking a shit. If he ever goes missing I’m going to be on the news like:
— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) June 29, 2020
Reporter: You didn’t look for him for two days
Me: I figured he was REALLY constipated
It's our wedding anniversary today & we stuck with our usual tradition. He bought me flowers & I completely forgot. #wifefail
— Sara Sheridan (@sarasheridan) September 22, 2017
She'll fart in the grocery store and leave me to accept the blame, THAT'S my wife
— Crac⚡ked (@a_simpl_man) January 20, 2021