Skip To Content
  • Viral badge

16 Questions You Secretly Have When You Find Out You're Having A Boy

Everything you secretly wondered, but never said out loud.

1. First off, how do you clean IT?


Yes, you mean the baby penis and balls.

2. And then there's the question of circumcision.

Just saying the word sounds painful.

3. And while we're on the topic, what are you going to teach him to call his "thing"?

java_queen_ / Via

You could go traditional here with "penis" or make up your own word, like "Beanee Weenee" or "Frank N' Beans."

4. How should you style his hair?


Of course you think about these kinds of things.

5. Wait, wait. Back to the penis. Does putting on a diaper hurt him or smash it? Or worse yet, stunt its growth?


You don't want to be responsible for any permanent shrinkage.

6. And once he is potty trained, how will you ever keep your toilet seat clean?


Face it. You will never be able to keep the toilet clean for as long as he lives at home.

7. Is your grocery bill going to double?


No, it will probably triple.

8. At what age will he start getting facial hair?

9. When will his voice change?

Come on, the only kind of puberty you know about includes periods and boobs.

10. What age do you start talking about condoms?

sean.lavelle.161 / Via

Or have the "talk" in general?

11. And what if he dates someone you hate?


Things could get ugly.

12. Will he get boners?



13. What do you do when you find lotion in his bedroom?

kreshtacevallos / Via

And what if it's a really BIG bottle?

14. More importantly, what do you do if you find his porn stash?


You can't even deal with that.

15. Are you even equipped to handle things like ~wet dreams~?


The answer is no.

16. And there's also that fear of not knowing when he'll be taller than you.

jeaninedixon / Via

Just because he's bigger than you doesn't mean you can't punish him.

Want awesome parenting tips in your inbox twice a week? Sign up for the BuzzFeed Parents newsletter!

Newsletter signup form