Hello, hello! We hope you're all staying safe during this coronavirus pandemic. Staying home is the safest thing you can do, so at least we have the internet to entertain us. Here are 16 tweets to help make things more enjoyable.
1. When you have all the self-control in the world...until you want chocolate:
QUARANTINE DIARY Day 1: I have stocked up on enough non-perishable food and supplies to last me for months, maybe years, so that I can remain in isolation for as long as it takes to see out this pandemic Day 1 + 45 minutes: I am in the supermarket because I wanted a Twix
2. When you realize that Bitcoin is now worthless compared to toilet paper:
If there’s one thing the coronavirus has taught us it’s that in a post-apocalyptic world, toilet paper is going to be the new currency.
3. And when you realize a fart is now less offensive than a cough:
Previously you'd cough to cover a fart, now you fart to cover a cough.
4. When you start preparing your kitchen for lots of at-home cooking:
Well, old girl, you’re about to have the busiest month of your life
5. When you realize that now would have been a better time for the advertisement of a Peloton bike:
I bet that lady is pretty psyched about having a Peloton now
6. When you take extreme measures to avoid the need for toilet paper:
Just bought 6 pounds of cheese. Won't need toilet paper now.
7. When you realize the best way to stay safe is to never leave your house:
#Coronavirus Spice Advice.
8. When you make sure anything and everything is sanitized before you touch it:
*gets the short end of the stick* *sprays it with Lysol*
9. And when you keep overthinking the whole sanitization thing in general:
I had to buy a second can of Lysol so that I could sanitize my first can.
10. When you're already about to give up on this year:
Us: 2020 is gonna be our year *3 months later*
11. When you start thinking about what graduation will look like if social distancing continues throughout the next few months:
Class of 2020’s grad ceremony being held via Skype
12. And when you start realizing how much you've been through:
I can’t wait to tell my kids that I survived Ebola, coronavirus, AND swine flu every time they start complaining that they’re too sick to go to school
13. When you start thinking about how the lack of toilet paper is going to make everything even less sanitary:
Some people aren’t shaking hands because of the Coronavirus. I’m not shaking hands because everyone is out of toilet paper. #CoronaVirusJokes
14. And when you know you're going to eventually resort to completely drenching yourself in sanitizer:
Me covered head to toe in hand sanitizer
15. When you start using your best Cheetos hand-washing tactics to maintain the cleanest hands:
Coronavirus prevention tip: wash your hands like you just finished a bag of hot Cheetos con limón and you need to remove your contact lenses
16. And when you use Twitter to occupy your time because you can't leave the house:
Them: Are you practicing social distancing? Me: Yes, I’m on Twitter.