19 Funny Cards for Special People (text-based NSFW)

I wish someone would get me these cards instead of going Hallmark. Get one for someone you love:

• 1. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! You're probably going to die soon...

  

• 2. Memento Mori #2

  

• 3. Legit invitation to MY party, let me tell ya.

  

• 4. For that "special" party...

  

• 5. Bitch, maketh me a sandwich.

  

• 6. Thine Holy Omelette

  

  "How sweet! Thanks for the omelette, Jesus!"

• 7. Worse than the Scarlet Letter...

  

• 8. Watch out for Santa

  

• 9. I knew it!

  

• 10. The good old days...

  

• 11. Hells yeah...

  

• 12. You know what I'm talkin' bout

  

• 13. For your pun-based love affair

  

• 14. Everyone loves a Yeti!

  

• 15. Only say it if you mean it...

  

• 16. Which one is the sex anniversary? None of them?

  

• 17. All cats ever

  

  Except this one.

• 18. Squeeka is king...literally.

  

• 19. You shitty cat! Give me that baby!