8 Things Women Secretly Want In Bed ;)

Magazines are speculating what women want in the bedroom but here is the official list of 8 things that will please your woman.

1. Pizza!

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There is nothing your girl will find hotter than wrapping her lips around a nice slice of pepperoni and you leaving her alone.

2. A cat or a million cats.

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Oooh yea nothing your girl want more than to pet a pussy and then cuddle it and squeeze it and hope it doesn't scratch up her face in the night like happens in her nightmares sometimes.

3. Footsies

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Not the kind you think. Sometimes a lady just wants to be wrapped up in big blanket like PJs. Get your jank feet away from her.

4. Sleep

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I mean that's what she does a majority of the time she is chillin in bed anyway.

5. Breakfast and also lunch and also dinner

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And maybe a snack or two...

6. A Fort

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Nothing like a good sturdy bed fort to get your women in the mood...in the mood for netflix. No chill. Cut your shit.

7. Sex

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...in her favorite HBO show while you lay quietly and also watch.

8. For you to ask!

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I know, I know. This one is super crazy and really out there but if you really want to please your lady ask her what she wants. It's only a mystery because you haven't done the very simple detective work. Everyone is different so you aren't going to find the answers in a magazine. Be safe, have fun, communicate! But most importantly laugh with your salad. Your salad is so funny and doesn't get enough credit for how clever it is.