13 Reasons Thor Should Be President

“I HOPE ALL MORTALS HAVE A GAY AND JOVIAL MARRIAGE”.

1. Because he’d wish all mortals a “GAY AND JOVIAL MARRIAGE”.

2. “AH YES THE RITUAL SMOKING OF MARIJUANA WILL ONLY HELP THE GREAT THINKERS OF MIDGARD FULLY GRASP THE CONCEPTS OF THE BIFROST.”

3. “A MAN WHO DESPISES THOSE WHO HE PROFITS FROM DOES NOT A WORTHY RULER MAKE. THIS DONALD STERLING SHOULD BE CAST INTO THE VOID.”

4. “SPACE IS WONDERFUL. IN FACT MORE MORTALS SHOULD GO TO THERE. RENEW THE PROGRAM WHERE YOU SHOOT TIN CANS INTO THE SKIES.”

5. “THERE WILL HENCEFORTH BE A TOTAL ELIMINATION OF THE WAGE GAP. DO NOT YOUR WOMEN FIGHT BRAVELY IN THE BATTLEFIELDS OF BOTH EMPLOYMENT AND HOME? HOW DARE YOU DECREE THIER ACCOMPLISHMENTS UNWORTHY OF THE HIGHEST ACCOLADES OF VALHALLA.”

6. “NO MAN WOMAN OR CHILD SHOULD HAVE TO PAY TO BETTER THEMSELVES WITH HIGHER EDUCATION. THOSE WHO SEEK KNOWLEDGE SHOULD BE REWARDED KNOWLEDGE, NOT PUNISHED WITH DEBT.”

7. “THOUGH THE INTERFROST CLAIM IT TO BE TRUE, REVERSE RACISM CANNOT AND DOES NOT EXIST.”

8. “ALL MORTALS SHOULD FEEL SAFE IN THE KNOWLEDGE THAT THEIR HEALTH IS CARED FOR BY YOUR LEADERS.”

9. “REPLACE EVERY THIRD STARBUCKS WITH AN IHOP SO WE MAY BREAKFAST FREELY.”

10. “OPEN BORDERS, OPEN HEARTS. ALIENS WELCOME* HERE.”

YOU MUST COMPLY WITH ALL LOCAL LAWS OR YOU WILL BE FORCIBLY REMOVED BY ME, THOR.

11. “YES, ASGARD CAN CONFIRM THAT WE WATCHED ALL LIFE ON EARTH EVOLVE, AND THAT AT NO POINT DID MAN EXIST ALONGSIDE DINOSAURS.”

12. “THOSE WHO SPEW VITROL AND PROTEST AT THE MEMORIAL OF A FALLEN WARRIOR IN THE NAME OF MIGARDIAN GODS SHALL BE LEFT OUT FOR THE BILGESNIPE AS PUNISHMENT FOR THEIR DISRESPECT.”

13. “I DECREE THAT TODAY IS NATIONAL HUG A SCIENTIST DAY. IN FACT, I HAVE HUGGED SEVERAL SCIENTISTS TODAY. I AM SAD TO REPORT ONLY ONE OF THEM ENJOYED THE EXPERIENCE.”

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