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25 Places The Bae Goes When They Ghost On You


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1. The Bermuda Triangle.

2. Walt Disney's cryogenic grave under Disney World where they accidentally freed Disney and he diabolically trapped them in the cryo tube in his plce while he forges a new America in his image.

3. Buried under all the fucking coal in Santa's workshop.

4. The 4th season of LOST.

5. The maze challenge in the Triwizard Cup.

6. The secret Presidential bunker used for nuclear threats.


7. Wherever Bill Cosby's career went.

8. To Ursula's cave to wish for a better ability to commit.

9. Sam's Club where they died from eating too many free samples.

10. Re-virginization camp.

11. To hang out with Dov Charney in his homeless multimillion dollar pit of despair.

12. On Hilary's campaign trail as Bill Clinton's personal assistant.

13. Became patient zero for the zombie apocalypse (picture Gwyneth Paltrow).

14. Volunteered as tribute, did not make it past the train ride to the Capitol.

15. Discovering the lost city of Atlantis.

16. Was kidnapped by the creature who's using the body of the totally credible professor on the History channel who's always high and saying ALIENS as a host.

17. Evolving into their final form which has twice the amount dicks and dickishness.

18. Left for dead in the broken shards of the internet that is our current geopolitical landscape post Kim Kardashian's butt.

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19. Practicing fire batons for their final Illuminati audition.

20. Trying to illegally download 50 Shades Of Grey before it comes out in theaters.

21. Becoming the couch that Tom Cruise is currently jumping on.

22. Trapped inside a photograph of themselves like a modern Dorian Grey (or an R.L. Stine book, your choice).

23. Cursed by a person they formerly ghosted on to play "Wonderwall" until the end of time like the Sisyphus of shitty music.

24. Their Mom's basement.


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