The key to winning thanksgiving is to start with the right tools.
It's never a bad idea to wear a helmet.
Psyche yourself up prior to starting by letting your body know what it's up against.
Be prepared to go to town as soon as the last words of grace have been said.
Throw shade at your competitors to increase the intimidation factor.
Pause every few minutes to allow the food to go down.
When you hit the inevitable wall at the halfway point, fight through it.
Take a moment to collect yourself and re-evaluate your goals.
It's important to pace yourself. It's a marathon, not a sprint.
No matter how full you are, never give up.
Prepare a victory dance for when you push past the wall. This increases morale.
If needed, use your hand to expertly save yourself from the embarrassment of throwing up during the heat of battle.
When dealing with the dessert round, the face plant is the most trusted method.
When all is finished, sit back and enjoy the overwhelming feeling of satisfaction mixed with the inevitable debilitating regret.
Fellow competitors might ask for your secret. Don't give anything away, they'll just use it against you next year.
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