They are so far and few between and so good at blending in that they're easy to miss. They are beautiful in a special way. They're easy to walk by, to take to dinner, to spend long glamorous nights with and never know she's one.
When she first comes into your life, you won't realize she's "guarded." When you look at her you see that she is confident and independent. She never expects or asks anything of you. When you put your arm around her waist at the party or try to whisper in her ear she doesn't lean in or return the gesture. She lives her life and has filled every space with something.
She used to see love the way you do. The burning, passionate, fearless idea of love. But then life happened, and here we are. It wasn't a gruesome, bad breakup or a lousy love story that damaged her beyond repair, it was the love she saw and experienced and lost so swiftly and gently. She doesn't hate love. She knows that beautiful, miraculous love can happen, but it can also go away too, in an instant, without explanation. Without retribution.
She still believes in love with her whole self, but she doesn't trust it. She experienced the loneliness and despair of rock bottom, but she used rock bottom as a firm foundation to build up walls and recreate her beautiful soul.
Every bill paid on time and always wearing a smile, she makes conversation and laughs often but she's always careful about what she reveals. Moment by moment, choice by choice, she has created the perfect life to distract her from what scares her the most.
The life she built and the things she owns, they are hers. This is what she had, this is what she HAS. They will not wake up and leave her, this life she has is steady. Don't blame her for trying to protect it. She is not angry, she is smart. She is not pessimistic, she is realistic. She will let you believe you know her innermost self, but really you only know what she chooses to show you. She will stay reserved until you prove to her she is priority and your promises are kept. You have to create a new reality for the girl with the walls.
Do NOT try to tear her walls down. Try to climb over them. Find room for yourself inside her walls until she feels safe without them. Be patient, be kind, learn her, ask her what she wants and give it, make a promise and keep it, teach her that being scared isn't necessary with you.
When it comes to the guarded girl, she will be the hardest to learn and the hardest to love, but you best bet your ass that she will be the best damn thing you've ever found.
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