7 Asian Weight Loss Fads Because Regular Dieting And Exercise Makes Us Yawn

The Master Cleanse and Piloxing are so out — here are the latest diet fads from Asia.

With the holidays upon us, there's a good five to ten pounds waiting to be gained. Frankly, some of us will be embracing the change — especially because diets and strenuous exercise are the source of all grief (duh). If scoping the #motivation hashtag on Instagram isn't cutting it, here are seven of the kookiest diet fads hitting Asia. We have to add this to clear our own conscience: don't try (some of) these at home.

1. Enzyme Baths

B&F Enzyme House/CNN.com / Via travel.cnn.com

In Korea, enzyme baths are taking the cake for weirdest weight loss tactic. Eating lots of enzymes is supposed to boost metabolism (so we've heard), but people are taking it a step further by covering their bodies with enzyme-rich fermented rice. Yum?

2. Sauna Suits

Taobao.com / Via item.taobao.com

This Chinese perspiration-inducing sauna suit helps you detox on-the-go and look SWEET doing it — those high-waisted pants? HIGH FIVE. Looking at it brings to mind that age-old fitness adage: "Sweating is your fat crying."

3. Weight Loss Massages

Jamieism.com / Via jamieism.com

In Japan, weight loss massages and scrubs are being administered to some very lucky clients. Here's one that we reeeeally would like to not be a fad, and be immediately adopted internationally — namely here, Stateside. Where I am. Thanks.

4. Acupuncture

Pinterest / Via pinterest.com

In Taiwan, acupuncture and a strict diet are popular. According to the blog Taiwanese Xi Fu (translation: Taiwanese daughter-in-law), a day's meals, as prescribed by a Chinese medicine weight loss clinic, consists of: "one egg, one tomato or grapefruit and a glass of low-fat milk for breakfast; a small platter of meat and vegetables for lunch; and a light dinner of vegetables and either some tofu or an egg." Wah, diets make us cry. And so do needles.

5. Long Breath Diet

YouTube / Via youtube.com

Miki Ryosuke, former Japanese actor, invented this new form of exercise — he apparently lost twenty-eight pounds in fifty days by just breathing. This guy is to the Long Breath Diet what Jake Gyllenhaal is to SoulCycle. Except not really, because Jake Gyllenhaal didn't invent SoulCycle.

6. Gooddak Chicken Breast

GoodDak / Via gooddak.com

In Korea, these low-salinity, antibiotic-free, pre-cooked, vacuum-sealed chicken breasts make dieting easy. Now, let's play a game called "how many more hyphens can we use?"

7. Silkworm Fecal Matter Tea

Pinterest / Via pinterest.com

In Taiwan, people are drinking tea made with silkworm feces for weight loss. Reports are inconclusive, but I can see how the pounds might be shed using this method. Drinking poop would make me lose my appetite too.

#motivation. Just kidding.