I wrote a letter to myself. It was addressed to all that I loved in the heat of the moment of suicide.
Since being diagnosed with depression, I've taken deep dives to where I've almost hit the bottom. I stopped taking my medication, stopped talking about my suffering and stopped thinking clearly.
So in the moment that I felt a brief pause, I decided to write some of these strong feelings down. Through my tears, I started to write a letter that would potentially be found in the case that I decided to no longer breathe. I told my family that I loved them. I even made up with my sister for all of the times that we fought. I chose to clear the skies with my dad for not really being a father to me. I thanked my friends for sticking by me all this time.
I decided to write a letter in case It was too late. I wanted to prove to myself that I didn't want to ever have anyone read my thoughts. I never wanted people to know that I have been hurting this bad for so long. I've made the mistake of hiding so many things from so many people because I'm scared of the outcome. But that's all part of this awful disease. I needed to realize that I can make it better.
I read my letter once a week. It helps me be stronger. I read it to prove that I never want to be in that state and that I can make it through any terrible thing that life has in store for me. I will be okay.
If you suffer from any illness, asking for help is never that easy. But asking yourself to change doesn't always have to be. Being stronger for yourself and others is the bravest thing that you can do.
There is always light in the darkest of days.