1. Don’t be afraid.
They probably won’t kill you.
2. …But they could..
—Just to watch you die.
3. They may look cute;
..but they’re vicious.
Here’s how your death may come about:
5. You could just be allergic to them.
In that case, buy a shirt that tells the world. So they know not to share with you nature’s perfect food. As sad as it may be, it’s actually the second most common food allergy in children.
6. If you plan on carving the shell, the dust may kill you.
Yep, eggshell dust is lethal. If inhaled, the fine calcium carbonate crystals can mix with mucous, thicken it, and cause you to die.
8. There’s a good chance that eating it raw may kill you.
1 in 10,000 eggs contain salmonella. If you still wish to enjoy raw eggs, pasteurized is a better choice. But salmonella is still a formidable foe.
9. The cholesterol in them may kill you…
—but no one’s really sure.
10. The possibility exists that angry chickens will attack you.
11. After all…
12. But don’t worry, not all eggs (or their parents) are terrible.
13. But if you kill their friends…
14. …and they take it poorly..
15. They may become depressed.
16. Which may lead them to contemplate suicide. (It’s in their nature.)
—It wasn’t an accident.
However, they may…