1. You, trying not to creep out your favorite professors.
4. Trying to chase down funding opportunities around the department.
5. Applying to Breadloaf, MacDowell, Stegner, Yaddo, and other A-list artist residencies.
6. Going from teaching comp to bored undergrads to totally hoity workshop critiques.
7. When people say, “I don’t read contemporary literature because you MFA writers just churn out mediocre bores.”
(Translation: “I haven’t read since high school. I masturbate to TED Talks.” This same sort of dude tends to also blame the minorities, feminists, and pomo elitists. I’m looking at you, B.R. Myers.)
11. These workshop comments:
I want a tramp-stamp that says “believability issue.”
15. When a classmate writes something unreflexively sexist/racist and says it’s art. And then later says it’s satire.
26. When a colleague gets published by The New Yorker or snatches a Wylie agent or book deal and your entire department melts down in a jealous rage.
27. When you submit to one of a billion Glimmertrain contests and get this note back half a year later.
Goodbye $15 “reading fee.”
29. These job opportunities on your MFA’s career email list:
- Oops: "Moonlight" won Best Picture at the Oscars, but they accidentally gave it to "La La Land" first 😳⁉️
- Philip Bilden, the businessman nominated by President Trump to be Secretary of the Navy, has withdrawn himself from consideration.
- Actor Bill Paxton has died at 61. He starred in classic films including "Twister," "Titanic," "Big Love," and "Aliens."
- The Nokia brick phone is making a comeback — it's been reimagined with a colored screen, but the game Snake hasn't gone anywhere 🐍📲