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We Got Advice From Margaret Cho, And It Was Just As Real As You'd Think

"This is why I usually discourage three-ways because three-ways are usually a bad idea."

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Margaret Cho, the completely unfiltered comedian, has a new Showtime standup comedy special psyCHO, which premieres Friday, September 25th at 9pm ET/PT.

Since Margaret is both wise and candid, we figured there'd be no better person to give some advice to BuzzFeed Staffers in need of some. Our dream came true when Margeret stopped by the office and offered up her thoughts on love, relationships, vaping and manbuns. Here's what happened.

Keely: I hate socializing. I'm really bad at it. All I ever want to do is stay in with my cat and watch Netflix and not talk to anyone. Do you have any tips of hacks to make yourself... be social?

Margaret Cho: Alcohol. It helps, but then it makes me want to stay at home more. So, maybe you don't have to socialize. Do you have a partner?

K: Yeah, I live with a dude.

MC: When you live in a city its like you're constantly socializing. Maybe you're just the type of person that needs to stay in and recharge. There's so much to be said for a happy introverted life. I don't think it's a bad thing [not liking to socialize]. If you want to change that, maybe go out and do things like seeing a movie or play where you don't have to talk that much.

K: That just makes me feel so much better that you're approving of my introverted lifestyle!

Jessica: Basically, I wanted to get dating advice from you... Usually when I go out I never get approached by guys. I don't know if it's that I don't know how to flirt, or if I'm just awkward. I don't know...

Margaret Cho: You're so beautiful.

*Jessica blushes*

J: Thank you!

MC: For you, I think it's a quality problem to have. Because you're so beautiful. People just might not approach you because they just assume that this beautiful girl is obviously with somebody. It's kind of hard too because people make assumptions about the way we look all the time.

MC: Are you shy?

J: No, not really. Once I get started talking sometimes, I can't shut up. *laughs*

MC: Just remind yourself that it's because I'm so beautiful that's why no one is coming up... What I guess would be the best thing is instead of waiting for someone to approach you maybe it's you approaching them.

J: That's very bold! I like that.

MC: Yeah, guys are scared.

Zainab: What is the best and the worst thing about being a woman in America?

Margaret Cho: We have the opportunity to do…anything! Really...anything, and that's great!

My family's from Korea and there's so much sexism there that's just socialized in us and so much resistance, so it's so hard for women to feel equal. Here, in America, we're raised to be equal, so women have any opportunity.

The hardest thing or the worst thing is that I think that there are glass ceilings.

Glass ceilings in the sense that there are places where you can't go... but the opportunity to break through them is so vital and exciting. I wish that there were more women supporting each other. More feminism in different areas even. And it's getting better and always gets better.

It's a lot of good and bad, it's also a lot to fight against and a lot of opportunities to bust through that glass ceiling, so you just have to have a hard head!

Matt B.: So... if you and Kim Davis were on a road trip together, what would your ideal playlist be?"

Margaret Cho: Oh gosh, I don't even have a handle on the type of music she likes besides, Eye of the Tiger.

Hmm... I wonder... What kind of music would SHE listen to, hmm, I wonder!

MB: I just assume it's all instrumentals from the bible belt.

MC: I like bible belt. I like country music, I'd hate to pair her with country music because that would be upsetting to me as a fan.

Why don't I just play my playlist and maybe she will learn from it! A little Lady Gaga a little ...

MB: She should be deprived of all gay people music if she can't get on board!

MC: If you're going to block equality…then you shouldn't get to have equality, with your ears!

Sylvia: So I'm a kind of a people pleaser, and I'm trying to give less fucks, like you do.

Margaret Cho: Just please yourself first. If you're a people-pleaser, just remember that YOU are the most important person to please. And I realize that it's not easy [to put yourself first]. It's hard, because sometimes what we want is just for everybody [around us] to be happy. But if you feel strong about something, try to please yourself first.

You're the most important person.

Be joyful and glad of your decisions, so if you can do that. That's it.

April: Do you remember the very first joke you wrote and told?

Margaret Cho: I remember that I was probably like 14 or 15. During that whole era of comedy, it was all about the stereotype that Asian people can't drive.

So, I remember performing standup for the first time and having to go after all these people who had just told 'Asian people can't drive jokes'.

And I remember saying…my name is Margaret Cho and I drive very well and I just kinda stood there and that was all. And I didn't really know what else to say, and I was like um, I'm fine and that was sort of the start of it.

But after that, I had to learn about life before I was a good comic. But that was my first joke just because it was just reactionary.

Sarah: So, I'm looking at apartments, and I'm considering moving in with my boyfriend and my best friend. Some people have told me that's a horrible idea! What do you think?

Margaret Cho: Oh! Well...Do you guys all hang out together anyway?

S: Yeah, we get along.

MC: It's hard sometimes because three is kind of a weird number, two people can gang up on one, it's hard because that's where usually you encounter a problem.

This is why I discourage three-ways because three-ways are usually a bad idea.

I would suggest adding one other person to the mix, four is a bit more of a democratic number.

S: We also have a dog, does that count as a fourth?

That could be a fourth, I mean I love dogs so, that could be a fourth, maybe two dogs, I don't know!

Matt: So…I'm thinking about growing a man bun, what do you think of that? But also, I need to tell you that I've recently, started vaping (smoking electronic cigarettes)….So, I would be a guy, who vapes with a man bun, so is that OK?

Margaret Cho: it's fine. Are you sure about the man bun? Because…how much yoga do you do?

Matt: Well…I'm not a big yoga person, I tried hot yoga once and it like, wasn't good.

MC: So, that man bun. Now sometimes the man bun does look like a stem. So you should be weary of that.

M: it looks like a little onion sometimes.

MC: Would you wear it in a bun all the time or would you wear it out?

M: I would probably let it out sometimes, but for the most part, it would be in a bun.

MC: I think that if you have a man bun and then you vape, you have to… get rid of your iPhone. You can't have everything.

What you're building is sort of a stereotype, especially if…wait do you live in Brooklyn?

M: No, I live in Manhattan.

MC: OK. Good. Because, you can't live in Brooklyn and have an iPhone, and a man bun, and vape.

Lauren: My question is... I think a pretty basic one but one I still don't know the answer to…so if you have a good date with somebody, when is the right time to text? Like on the way home…or in the Uber…what do you think…and it's two girls.

Margaret Cho: I'm such a uhhh... I text while the date is still happening. Because there's so much pressure around dating, like, when are they gonna reach out…etc. Everybody's nervous, you like the person, you obviously had a good time, I think it's OK to text while the date is still going on! Just say, I'm having a really great time!

*laughs*

L: Do you think I should go to the bathroom and do this, like say "Excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom..."

MC: No, I think it's charming to do it in front of them. I think it's cute actually. You know, I never go out with somebody unless I really, really like them and then it's obvious that they like me. So that's sort of the way I operate anyways, I don't really date unless I'm really attracted to the person.

But don't text them during sex! That I might not do!

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