Watching Harry Potter With A Muggle

While I was enjoying Harry Potter weekend on ABC Family, my father walked in for Deathly Hallows Part II during the chamber of secrets scene with Ron and Hermione. Having seen bits and pieces of the first three movies, he had some interesting insights.

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"They killed a cup? That's what this whole series is over?"

I explain horcruxes.
I explain Tom Riddle being conceived under a love potion.

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"So these two end up together? Why didn't Harry and Hermione end up together?"

Ginny.

[Right before Malfoy shows up on screen]

"Is Malfoy bad?"

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"Did he [Malfoy] throw that thing up there on purpose? How's he know about the horcruxes?"

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[Fiendfyre is ripping through the Room of Requirement]

"Where's Hagrid been?"

"Is Snape bad?"

It's complicated - just wait.

"There's Voldemort. He's bad."

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"So a super wand?"

I explain the Deathly Hallows.

"Who'd pick the stone? Super wand all the way!"

"Snape is a goner."

[Voldemort kills him]

"Called it."

"So he was bad?"

Wait.

["You have your mother's eyes."]

"Cool story, bro."

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"Why doesn't someone clean up all this rubble during the break?"

"He collected a lot of tears."

"Who's that?"

Lily Potter - Harry's mom.

"Does Harry have her eyes?"

NOT IN THE MOVIES!

"So Snape is good. Biggest double - double agent EVER!"

Always.

"So Harry has to die because he's a horcrux. He's not going to die."

I explain what happened to Voldemort the night he attempted to kill Harry and his return in the fourth book.

"He [Ron] doesn't even fist bump his best friend who's off to die? Bet he won't even kill that snake like Harry asked."

Good call.

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"Shadows of his loved ones. I get it."

"Where's his nose? Did he forget to put it on when he put himself back together?"

"HAGRID'S BAD?! Uh no, just captured. Got it. When did that happen?"

"Where'd the shadows go?"

"Whoa what'd he say? Do you have to say the spell like that for it to work?"

"So he's dead?"

Just watch.

"Harry invested in contacts in the after life."

"What ..."

It's Voldemort's soul that was inside Harry.

"How's Harry getting out of this one?"

"It's in his head? Sounds like a cop out."

"Uh don't try to help noseless up. He's go this."

"Why'd she lie? Who is she?"

Malfoy's mom.

"Are they bad?"

Eh.

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"There's the guy from the murder show we watch."

Alfred Enoch - Dean Thomas.

"That show needs to come back on."

"He's not dead though."

"See told you. Look at that tuck and roll."

"Why can't Harry do all this cool magic?"

"Oh the redhead mom. She can say that in Harry Potter!? Nice."

"So if this bad guy has been back since the fourth book why is he just coming after Harry?"

"All that flying and we're back in the courtyard."

"Told you Ron wouldn't kill the snake."

"Well blast his ass, Harry!"

"Isn't that the master wand? It shouldn't be listening to Voldemort anyway."

"Dust? Is he dead forever now?"

Yea.

"Phew."

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"I would have just hidden it somewhere. He didn't even use it."

I explain how Harry is SUPPOSED to fix his wand first.

"What the heck wand was he using then? When did his wand break?"

The previous movie.

"Damn."

"That's it? He stands with those two on a bridge - not his girlfriend? Why wasn't his girlfriend there?"

"So in the book he really fixes his wand then still breaks the master wand? Is that why he couldn't do all the cool magic fighting Voldemort? Now what is the second most powerful wand?"

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"Huh 19 years later. Sheesh they skipped a lot. What were they 19 when this happened?"

Harry 17. Ron and Hermione 18.

"Oh we're back in muggle world."

"Harry really doesn't end up with Hermione."

"They didn't even say hi to each other. Probably because Ron didn't even care when Harry went off to die."

"So what do they do in real life now that they've graduated Hogwarts?"

Ron and Harry didn't graduate.

"So no jobs?"

They were aurors.

"Beating the statistics. Where do they do that job? In the magic world?"

Wizards live in disguise in the real world.

"So I could be a wizard?"

Are you?

"Well you should be able to tell!"