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What 16 Normal Things Look Like When You're Drunk

Everything should be pizza. Why isn't everything pizza?

1. "Oh, this will just take a second," says sober you.

"I CAN'T GET IT...TECHNOLOGY?!" drunk you screams into your phone, waiting for an answer.

2. "How convenient, a taxi!" says sober you.

"THANK YOU, MAGICAL CHARIOT MADE JUST FOR ME!" drunk you screeches into the cabbie's ear.

3. "Pizza is such a satisfying treat," says sober you.

"THIS IS THE BEST MEAL OF MY WHOLE LIFE EVER!" drunk you cries into the night, shedding a single tear.

4. "Oh, look, some barstools," says sober you.

"LOOK, A BED!" whispers drunk you.

5. "Oh, look, the sidewalk," says sober you.

"LOOK, A BED!" whispers drunk you.

6. "Oh, look, a toilet," says sober you.

"LOOK, A BED!" whispers drunk you.

7. "Man, I don't like taking the stairs," says sober you.

"BRING ME MY CARABINER!" drunk you demands of the empty lobby.

8. "What a helpful map," says sober you.

"WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?" drunk you screams, and throws the confusing paper away.

9. "Hello, kitty, I missed you," says sober you.


10. "Looks like I better tie my shoes," says sober you.

"MAYBE IF I HAD A MILLION FINGERS THEN OK," drunk you yells at your shoelaces.

11. "Time to calculate a 20% tip before I head home," says sober you.

"CAN'T MATH, HERE YOU GO!" drunk you says and throws some cash.

12. "I've been sitting for a while, I should walk around," says sober you.

"WHY SO MUCH GRAVITY?" drunk you cries mid-collapse.

13. "I better reapply my makeup," says sober you.

"THIS WILL NOT END WELL," drunk you says to the bathroom mirror.

14. "Ew, look at those communal bar peanuts," says sober you.

"YOU TINY MIRACLES, COME TO ME," drunk you cries through a mouthful of communal bar peanuts.

15. "Man, I can't wait to get these uncomfortable shoes off when I get home," says sober you.

"GOODBYE!" you call back to your abandoned heels.

16. "Oops, I spilled my drink, let me grab some napkins," says sober you.

"IT WAS MORE THAN HALF FULL NOOOOOOO!" drunk you screams to the unfeeling sky.