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25 Disney Movies That Could Have Been A Lot Shorter

One choice can change your destiny or completely prevent it.

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1. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

Disney

Lesson: THE SIMPLEST PLAN IS THE BEST PLAN.

The Evil Queen could have just killed the dwarves once finding Snow White, or shot her straight out with a crossbow. None of this poison apple nonsense. Honestly, the queen is just plain lazy. Snow is fourteen, and can't even live on her own without succumbing to a sort of domesticated slavery (but with song).

Alternative Ending: The Evil Queen gets to live happily for about a year until another gorgeous up-and-comer hits puberty.

2. Cinderella

Disney

Lesson: GET A SAFE RIDE.

Don't show your psychotic step-family that uses you as a slave the only thing you really value and then try to share their cab. This is why you can't have nice things, Cindy.

Alternative Ending: Cinderella goes to the ball, is immediately swept off by Prince Charming, and even gets to stay the night because none of her clothing melts off (at least not by itself). Charming then has to marry her out of...civic duty.

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3. Alice in Wonderland

Disney

Lesson: DON'T DRINK UNSUPERVISED DRINKS.

How about we don't eat and drink things we find lying around prompting us to do so? That's like the first five minutes of every forensic crime show.

Alternative Ending: Alice sleeps dreamlessly and wakes up without a huge metaphor for puberty and changing views. She still gets to be a child. Hurray for no juvenile acid trips.

4. Peter Pan

Disney

Lesson: STRANGER DANGER.

This kid just crawled through your window while you were sleeping, and asked you to jump out of it holding his hand. Yeah, seems legit.

Alternative Ending: Wendy, John, and Michael keep sleeping and grow up, and deal with their daddy issues like everyone else.

5. Lady and the Tramp

Disney

Lesson: NEUTER YOUR DOG.

Then Tramp’s allure would not be so…er…physical and your dog wouldn’t run away, and therefore be home to catch rats before they ever get to your house. I mean, check out that glance, we all know that look.

Alternative Ending: A normal family has both a baby a dog without mishap, and there are no problems with having an unexpected litter that’s not purebred.

6. Sleeping Beauty

Disney

Lesson: INVITE EVEN THE PEOPLE YOU HATE.

This whole situation could have been avoided if someone had just invited Maleficent. Also, let’s be real, it’s a miracle Aurora survived being raised by three completely incompetent guardians.

Alternative Ending: Prince Phillip and Princess Aurora are raised together as biffles, and don’t mind being betrothed at all. The fairies get to use magic and are more like three lovable hippie aunts, not actually in charge of keeping a human being alive.

7. 101 Dalmatians

Disney

Lesson: DON’T OPEN THE DOOR TO STRANGE MEN.

Guys, this is how serial killers work.

Alternative Ending: Nanny doesn’t let in Horace and Jasper, calls the police in a timely manner, and they find and arrest Cruella for animal cruelty (though technically if she buys the merchandise can she use it however she wants?).

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8. The Aristocats

Disney

Lesson: DON’T SNUB PEOPLE WHO HELP YOU.

Why would you ever tell any rational human being, who has given years of his life to your service, that you're leaving your fortune to your cats? Honestly, what did you think Edgar would do? I mean, he’s lived with this fabulous old woman as her butler and given arguably the best years of his life to the job (and let’s be real he doesn’t have many ‘best anythings’), and he’s supposed to let a batty old lawyer completely draft a will to give cats diamond collars and enough meow mix to cover Rhode Island?

Alternative Ending: Come on Madame, if you had just said you were leaving even just one million to Edgar, none of this would have happened.

9. The Little Mermaid

Disney

Lesson: TELL THE TRUTH.

Ariel, when you rescue him, why don’t you shake him awake instead of singing over him (look, you aren’t his mother), and tell him you’re a mermaid (who has coincidentally been stalking him and keeps an underwater secret shrine)? Then he’ll accept you because of true love, and you won’t wreck your underground kingdom and turn your dad into a worm for selling his soul to a sea witch and basically disrupting the whole family dynamic. Look, if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be.

Alternative Ending: They go on more dates where Eric can actually appreciate Ariel for her personality and voice, and not just her looks and quirky (read: crazy) behavior she only gets away with because she’s pretty.

10. Beauty and the Beast

Disney

Lesson: DON'T PUT YOURSELF BACK IN A BAD SITUATION.

Belle, leave the Beast in the snow to die. I’m sure he’ll be fine. He literally keeps you as a prisoner and starves you. Weren’t you just singing about how you miss your provincial life? Okay, buh-bye. (JK guys I love this movie). But this would be loads shorter.

Alternative Ending: Belle moves home and get some cats. Sheep are bad for the books.

11. Aladdin

Disney

Lesson: DO THE FIRST FAVOR.

How about we free the genie immediately? Make friends with Genie, free him, and not be constrained by this pesky three wish policy. Also, from Jasmine’s perspective, why don’t you just walk around with your giant tiger? Ain’t nobody going to be chopping your hand off for stealing then.

Alternative Ending: Unlimited cosmic power, and also unlimited cosmic living space.

12. The Lion King

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Lesson: KEEP YOUR ENEMIES CLOSE (AND BE PREPARED).

Don't let Scar go unsupervised. Look Mufasa, no offense, but your brother is shady as all hell. Also, Zazu is supposed to keep an eye on the kingdom. He knows when antelope die, but can’t see Scar supervising the creation of the Hyena Kingdom? You should fire him.

Alternative Ending: Scar dies of bitter old age, and Simba gets to have a dad.

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13. Pocahontas

Disney

Lesson: SCOPE OUT A NEW SITUATION BEFORE DIVING IN.

Don't give food to white men. Literally, there are entire books – actually an entire topic of study – given over to why this is a bad idea. In the end, they just want to kidnap you at fourteen, sail you back across the Atlantic Ocean, and leave you to die alone, away from your family, in a racist society at the ripe old age of 21.

Alternative Ending: Ignore them. They’ll for sure die over winter. Don’t do Thanksgiving. Stay home.

14. Hercules

Disney

Lesson: ALWAYS INVITE PEOPLE. EVEN THE UNCOOL PEOPLE.

This is a recurring theme in Disney. Yeah, tolerating Hades' company is bad, but the possible pissed off outcomes are worse. That's practically the textbook case for negligence. So really, you brought this on yourself.

Alternative Ending: Hercules gets to stay on Olympus, and rave with his multi-colored brosephs in a completely inaccurate retelling of Greek mythology.

15. Mulan

Disney

Lesson: ALWAYS FESS UP WHEN YOU'VE MADE A MISTAKE.

So Mushu legit murdered the dragon guardian. That was clearly a mistake, as a real Targaryen dragon would have been super helpful.

Alternative Ending: Mulan rides around, burns the huns to the ground, still gets to explode Shan Yu in a fiery death, saves China, and is a boss bitch with a dragon. Battle won.

16. Tarzan

Disney

Lesson: ACCEPT WHO YOU ARE.

Can someone please just explain to Tarzan he's literally a different species? This poor kid thinks he’s like a seriously deformed gorilla with absolutely no useful skills that’s bald, underfed, misshapen, scrawny, and really, really ugly. I mean, Kala, we know, you feel guilty, but you saved his life, and growing up with that knowledge that your mom is a bamf that saved you from the jaws of a jaguar is pretty cool.

Alternative Ending: Jane Porter does not land at the very section of the gigantic continent of Africa where Tarzan lives as the only other white person for thousands of miles. Instead, Tarzan learns to accept himself as he is and his self esteem issues are solved.

17. Emperor's New Groove

Disney

Lesson: ALWAYS PROBLEM SOLVE.

Club him over the head with a broccoli tray. Like, why would Yzma put him into a bag with some convoluted plan to kill him? Was Yzma like…oh I know what will make this easier: A BAG. You just told Kronk to hit him over the head. Do it again. Then poof, dead llama under the table. I’m sure the wait staff has seen weirder under Kuzco’s rule.

Alternative Ending: Yzma rules forever and discovers immortal life as a purple dinosaur.

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18. Atlantis, The Lost Empire

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Lesson: DON'T REVEAL ALL YOUR CARDS.

Let's be real. Milo should know not to tell known mercenaries how valuable everything is. You’d think this would be obvious, but I guess not. Instead of telling people about this renewable clean energy source with unlimited nuclear power, you should probably keep your mouth shut. If you’ll remember, over 200 people that started with your crew have already died, and yet no one seems bothered by this little red flag.

Alternative Ending: Don’t kill everyone. Put Rourke in jail. Still get fabulously wealthy.

19. Lilo and Stitch

Disney

Lesson: INVEST IN A TASER.

Seriously, just by tasing Stich, Pleakley or Jumba, Nani can prove the aliens to Cobra Bubbles, no one takes Lilo, and galactic supervision can be coordinated much more quickly. Also, someone give this family some help that isn’t foster care.

Alternative Ending: Their house isn’t destroyed, 19-year-old Nani is given some help and Lilo still gets a bigger family and cooler friends.

20. Treasure Planet

Disney

Lesson: KNOW WHO SOMEONE IS BEFORE YOU TRUST HIM.

Don't trust a pirate. Don't trust a cyborg. Don't trust a cyborg pirate. Obvs. Also, don’t ever hire a “reasonably priced” crew full of sketchy folks and spider people.

Alternative Ending: Jim takes a small group of people and a fast ship and goes to find Treasure Planet that way. Then everyone becomes filthy rich for generations instead of blowing up a planet full of gold.

21. Brother Bear

Disney

Lesson: DON'T DO STUPID THINGS WHEN YOU'RE ANGRY.

So, Kenai, if you didn't know, bears are hundreds of pounds. They ate your fish because you were lazy and careless. Man up, and don’t kill innocent victims. Talk about a murderous rage.

Alternative Ending: Your brother lives, you live, Koda’s mom lives, and everyone keeps on with their lives without your mistakes actually killing a string of people and driving your brother Denahi into a psychotic vigilante journey that nearly breaks him body and spirit.

22. Meet the Robinsons

Disney

Lesson: BE NICE TO YOUR ROOMMATE.

They can make your life hell. In this case, quite literally. If Louis had just reached out to Goob and made sure he was happy, then both of them wouldn’t be so abjectly lonely.

Alternative Ending: They’re both adopted quickly because they come off as relatively well adjusted.

23. The Princess and the Frog

Disney

Lesson: DON’T KISS STRANGERS. ESPECIALLY CREEPY ONES PROMISING YOU THINGS.

Instead, manipulate your rich best friend into helping you. Now Charlotte has many – ahem – blessed qualities, but brains aren't one of them. Even if Tiana can’t ask her for a loan directly, I’m sure someone as resourceful as Tiana could figure this out. Getting stuck with a layabout snob who pretends to have money and doesn’t have any ambition doesn’t make a happy ending for anyone.

Alternative Ending: Tiana rules her restaurant in the Roaring '20s like the independent woman she clearly is, because hard work is probably the most practical lesson Disney taught.

24. Tangled

Disney

Lesson: TO HIDE BIG LIES, TELL SMALL TRUTHS.

Why didn't Gothel lie about Rapunzel's birthday? I mean, seriously “tomorrow night, the lights will appear/ just like they do on my birthday each year.” It’s not like Rapunzel has any concept of time; you kidnapped her as an infant. What possessed you to tell her the truth about this one inconsequential thing? Otherwise, you could totally lie and be like “oh this is the spring celebration in the kingdom with lanterns" and Rapunzel would want to go, of course, but not with the burning birthday curiosity. Gothel can promise to take Rapunzel the year after the king and queen die.

Alternative Ending: Rapunzel’s extended long life makes her cheerfully celebrate the lost princess celebration every ten years or so, she stays in the tower, and Gothel lives forever. (Hey, it’s an alternative ending, not a happier one.)

25. Frozen

Disney

Lesson: FACE YOUR DEEPEST FEAR, EVEN IF THAT'S YOURSELF.

First off, the king and queen shouldn't have lied to Anna. This whole family is teeming with dysfunctional secrets. If you want to keep Elsa out of sight, why not just throw her in a convent?

Alternative Ending: Elsa stars as an addendum to The Sound of Music, single-handedly stops Germany with an ice wall, and creates a small Nordic paradise for refugees, finding her calling as an Olympic figure skater. Anna is trained up and becomes a fit ruler, instead an adorkable, restless shut in.

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