Reddit user u/te7en asked the women of the Reddit community: "Ladies: Have you ever cheated on your [significant other]?" A lot of their stories were eye-opening, giving us insight into what's going on in a woman's mind while being in a committed relationship.
So, here are some revealing stories of women cheating on their significant others:
1. "I dated the same guy from 15 to 18. We were long distance for most of it, and only knew each other for a month before he got expelled from our boarding school. We talked every night, and he made me all of these promises about how wonderful our life would be. Then, he came back to school the next year and was NOTHING like the guy I'd been talking to. I thought maybe he was the one, but I didn't know him like I thought I did — he was constantly fawning over other girls. School ended, and I moved in with him. I didn't have any money, but he would help me out by buying me food once in a while (I used to eat food out of the garbage at work). We shared a one-bedroom apartment with two other people, and it was disgusting. I met a nice guy at work, and after a month, we moved in together."
"The two guys didn't know about each other — I kept the facade up for a year, switching back and forth between guys/apartments. I moved away and broke up with both of them in the same night. 0/10 would not do again."
2. "A few weeks ago, I cheated on my boyfriend of eight years, which he knows about. We got together pretty young, and I was his first serious girlfriend (though he wasn't mine). I never dated around a lot — pretty much went right from boyfriend to boyfriend — and wasn't single most of the time. We've been going through a series of rough patches over the past few years, due to money issues as well as his depression (which he tends to take out on me). He is NOT totally at fault because I can be impatient with his inability to change his situation, and I'm working on that. But, I saw an old fling from before I met my S.O. who's still a friend, and we kissed. Not full-on making out, but tongue. Right afterward, I felt absolutely terrible. I told the friend that it was a mistake, and can never happen again, and he agreed (the worst part is, he has a girlfriend, too...ugh). We were drunk, but I don't want to blame it on that."
"I was torn about telling my current S.O. for a while — I knew it meant nothing, and I regretted it so much and was angry with myself. I lasted about a week — I don't keep anything from him.
I still don't know if telling him was the right decision, and he told me that he honestly doesn't know if it was, either. I am still very upset with myself for hurting someone I love, but I'm glad that I told him."
3. "I was sleeping with this great guy for a while — I was totally comfortable with him, and he was truly amazing. While I met him, I had been waiting on a guy to get back from deployment. I was head over heels for him, and I thought he felt the same way, but nothing was official. I thought guy A and I would phase out before guy B got back, but that didn't happen, and it got pretty close to B coming home. I was upfront with guy A and told him what was going on, and it was then I realized that guy A wanted more than just sex. I felt the same way at the time, but I still had feelings for guy B. Well, he got home, and I had sex with him — being upfront with guy A, he told me in short that he never wanted to see or speak to me again. I thought that was a little harsh because we were just having sex, but more feelings were apparently involved."
4. "About four years into our relationship, we hit a rough patch. He was distant, and I was drinking and using drugs. I became really close to a male friend (who happened to be my dealer), and began a sexual and emotional affair that lasted several months. When my S.O. found out, he was devastated. His first reaction was to have his own fling, which I totally understood — but he didn't want us to be over, and wanted to try to make things right. I realized how badly I had hurt him and decided I owed him that chance. I ended the affair, I stopped using drugs, and we worked on restoring our relationship. It took some time, but we got there. We got married about a year later, had two kids, and have been happily together with no more cheating of any kind for almost 17 years. So, yeah: A relationship can move past cheating, but it's not easy."
5. "What started out as a peaceful and honest pairing ended with a lot of bitterness on my part. Once I married him, everything changed (and I mean changed immediately). It started as early as my wedding night, which is too painful to think about. I blame myself for not annulling the marriage. At that point, there were so many reasons to separate, but I didn't see it. All I saw was that I loved him and was having his baby. Mistake number one: I didn't love myself enough, and stayed when I should have left. After the child and the marriage, it went down hill. His help with child care was miniscule, and I was burned out. I became bitter and resentful because he was remiss of my needs — I tried talking to him about it, but to no avail."
6. "I cheated on my ex-husband. We were living apart (he had moved to another state for a job I didn't want him to take), but it wasn't an open relationship. It didn't really make me happy because the other man was nothing but a dick in every sense of the word, but it did help to blow the lid off of a decaying relationship. The feeling I had after kissing someone new for the first time in 10 years was...indescribable. Up until then, I'd felt so stuck and guilty, but kissing someone new made me realize everything could change. Having felt that, I understand why abusers are so obsessed with making sure their women don't stray: The touch of someone new can open windows that abusers don't want opened. Not that my ex was outright abusive, but manipulative and controlling? Definitely. I would have liked to get out from under that power, but kissing another man is what it took, and I'm not sorry."
7. "I was 22, and he was 26 — we lived together and had a puppy. I realized after moving in, I was far too young to be in this serious of a relationship. I had a partner in crime for a friend who was recently single, and we just egged each other on. I cheated once and told my significant other — I cheated twice, and told him again. He kept taking me back. Finally, I just had to break up with him — we were both sad, but I ruined him for a long, long, long time. He had hopes of getting back with me even for five years after the breakup. He finally got married at 32 — we don't talk at all or even have contact. My current boyfriend is three years younger than me, and I'm his first girlfriend to move in with. I am totally projecting my fears of what I did to my ex onto him."
"What I did haunts me, and I had many years of loneliness and failed relationships. I think karma is a bitch, and I got what I deserved. I would be devastated if that happened to me — I will never cheat again in my life."
8. "I always looked down on cheaters — I thought if the relationship is so messed up that you feel the need to lie and have sex with someone else, just go ahead and break it off and then have sex with whoever you want without being a lying, cheating asshole. But, I cheated on my fiancé. He wasn't treating me well to begin with, but we were in love. Our relationship was amazing for years, and it was hard to see that it was time to leave because things didn't change overnight — it was a slow deterioration. He wanted to move out of town, but I didn't. He acted petulant about being stuck that we came to the 'mutual' decision that he should move first and I'd follow a few months later — I wasn't happy. Then, I was raped (he treated me like I had cheated on him, and told me it was 'my fault'). I don't know why I stayed, but I was in love. It was still long distance, then I met someone else who was funny, charming, sweet, and wonderful."
9. "I cheated a few weeks ago on my boyfriend of six years, and honestly, I know this sounds strange, but it made our relationship better. I slept with a mutual friend of ours not out of an attraction to him, but rather just as a physically satisfying sort of thing. It forced us to critically examine our relationship and what we were both doing that made the other happy or unhappy. Obviously, the best thing we could have done was catch these problems before they became bad enough to let this happen, but it served as a wake-up call for both of us to get back on track and work toward a better relationship. I confessed immediately. Yes, we are still together and going strong — I cannot stress enough the importance of voicing your concerns sooner rather than later!"
10. "After graduating, my S.O. and I became long distance, and he changed quite a bit. He moved in with his parents and kept asking me to rent him an apartment in New York City so he could work on his freelancing career. He refused to get any sort of job at all. I wanted to break it off, but didn't have any reason to other than being bored with him. I promised him once I was renting an apartment for us and not for him that he could move in, but I hated the idea. One night, I was hanging out with an ex and having a great time, and I cheated on the guy I was dating. The next day, I called him up and dumped him, which I should have done months before. I never told him about the cheating — just gave him the reasons I should have broken up with him earlier. I think what I learned is that I should attempt to fix or end relationships when I'm unhappy or bored rather than just letting things go. I won't cheat again."
11. "I did cheat on my last significant other, even after I said I would never do it from being cheated on several times in a past relationship. Before my last relationship started, I had (and still have) a pretty close friendship (sometimes a friends-with-benefits kind of friendship) with a guy friend of mine. I had been going with my significant other at the time for just under a year when I realized that I wasn't completely happy. I struggled with this for a while. My friend and I were hanging out when we started 'play fighting' and then cuddling, and then we kissed. It didn't really go much further than that, but there have been talks of it going that way for quite a while (even before my relationship started). After it happened, I didn't feel bad, nor do I feel all that bad now. My boyfriend at the time did not find out, and he never will (and yes, we broke up — but not over that reason)."
12. "I wasn't married when I was a cheater, but I was in a relationship that meant the world to me. It destroyed that relationship and any real possibility of getting back together with that person. I have no real excuse or reason for cheating (anything I say will just be an excuse). I had an opportunity and took it. That period of time is one of my biggest regrets in life. Since that relationship, I have never even contemplated cheating — so, IMO, 'Once a cheater, always a cheater' doesn't apply to me. But, it really depends on how much the cheater understands what is at risk."
13. "About halfway through a three-year relationship, I cheated. I was desperate for somebody more attentive, intellectual, and present (my boyfriend was difficult to track down at times). It started as a friendship with intimate conversations, and after a few weeks of wondering where my BF was, I came across the other guy, and we made out. I ended up telling my BF (he was spying on my email anyways). We stayed together for a while because I was young and thought we were supposed to be together. The other guy and I never dated, but still maintain an interesting relationship."
"Another time I cheated was near the end of a two-year relationship. We knew it was over, but for logistics sake, we were waiting to have an actual conversation about our lack of future. I ended up hooking up with an old acquaintance which I thought was going to go somewhere, but it didn't. I never told my BF because our relationship was over, and I wasn't going to pretend we were still together (I didn't sleep with my BF after that or else I would have told him for health reasons).
From the first time, I learned that if I'm missing something in a relationship, I need to talk with my BF or break up. I'd never had some long-term guy on the side and hide it from my BF before. Is it possible that I might make out with a guy once? Yes. But, I won't put on a long-term charade — I'll do it once and tell you, or I'll end the relationship."
14. And: "My best friend cheated on her husband three times to my knowledge. They've been married for three years and have an 18-month-old daughter. Before their daughter was conceived (she was planned!), they had a few months where they both wanted out. But her family pressured her to stay with him, and told her she was a failure if she got a divorce. She visited a male friend in Texas and slept with him — her husband suspected this, but I don't know if she ever confessed it. They reconciled enough to decide they wanted to try and have a child, and their lovely daughter followed. Then, last summer we went on a backpacking trip, and the night before, we stayed at one of our college friend's family cabins near where we had to catch our ferry. She hooked up with our college friend that night, and according to him, she broke down and cried afterwards about how awful her marriage was, and how her husband threatened to leave and sue for full custody."
Note: Some stories have been edited for length and/or clarity.
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger as a result of domestic violence, call 911. For anonymous, confidential help, you can call the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or chat with an advocate via the website.