Recently, Reddit user u/ThatLady002 asked members of the Reddit community: "What is a dead giveaway that a therapist is a bad therapist?"
Everyone shared their personal stories, proving that some therapists aren't equipped to help people with their mental health. So, here are some of the worst experiences people have had with toxic therapists:
Warning: Some stories include topics of physical abuse, verbal abuse, and suicide. Please proceed with caution.
Note: There isn't one "typical" therapy experience. Everyone's stories are different, and if it hasn't worked for some, that doesn't mean it hasn't worked for others.
1. "I told my therapist that I wanted to heal from my past trauma so that I could start to trust people again. Her response was: 'You not trusting people is all in your head. Your husband once said that you don't trust me, and I have nothing but respect for you.' I was dumbfounded that she would say that! I canceled all sessions with her and am currently looking for a new therapist."
2. "My sister went to a therapist her boyfriend recommended. He told her the reason she was struggling was because she was living in sin and having sex outside of marriage with her boyfriend (which he knew from conversations he had with her boyfriend). It was basically the first thing he told her before she told him anything about herself."
3. "I came out of a crisis stabilization unit after a near life-threatening panic attack, and was having major residual episodes afterwards. I went back to the therapist I'd been seeing prior, and she handed me a vial of lavender and said: 'Smell this — it'll calm you down.' Then, I asked her what to do about my insomnia, and she told me to eat a Pop-Tart and then ride the sugar crash to help me fall asleep."
4. "I witnessed a decapitation and was trying to address my PTSD about it, and my therapist said: 'Can you imagine reattaching their heads to their bodies, and then smiling down on their families from heaven?' I previously told her I was an atheist, and now, I have a horrific image of decapitated heads on people's decapitated bodies. It still fucks with me, and I resent her for not remembering I wasn't religious."
5. "I had a six-session block of therapy, which mostly turned into me talking about my parents' incredibly toxic marriage. I said how I wanted them to get divorced since I was 14 years old, and how they were too scared to be alone to actually do it. At the end of the six-block session, my therapist wrote a summary of our time and had me review it. She thought my parents were actually divorced, and I had to correct her. I lost a lot of assurance that she had actually taken in anything I’d said."
6. "[In school], we had to decide which subjects we wanted to major in — so the school made us take several tests and then made us talk to the school psychologist. They would go over the results with us and help us decide. Sooooo many girls came crying from the appointments with her because she told them they were too stupid to master school, and they should leave school for 'easy' jobs. They gave them the feeling that they were 'worthless idiots' for even trying."
7. "I had a therapist recommend a book to me; I read it, and it basically said: 'Everything you get in life is a return of what you put out into the world.' This didn’t sit right with me. I asked if that included the idea of abuse victims who 'asked for it,' and she said yes. So, I walked out and never went back. As I was sobbing and clearly upset, another therapist told me that there was nothing wrong with me, and why was I even there?"
8. "[My last therapist didn't make eye contact with me], which is why I stopped going to her. She asked how I was doing, and I spent about 20 minutes talking about the things I was struggling with. Then, she went: 'Okay, so is that it? Guess we're done for today.' There were 40 minutes left in our session..."
9. "[My therapist] condescendingly told me that the doctor residing over them didn't believe a woman could suffer from a mental illness, and brushed off my request for testing. I had never felt so gaslit before in my life. I'm still mad I sunk the $200 into it, especially since I couldn't really afford it at the time."
10. "My former therapist was telling me about her divorce, and it was so weird and awkward. I felt guilty for talking about my anxiety — I mean, my problems didn't feel as serious as her fight for custody with her cheating husband. I quit that therapist — I was too uncomfortable."
11. "A therapist who might be bad for you might be great for someone else. I once saw someone who came so highly recommended, you would've thought this woman was almost a god. She was regularly late to our appointments (sometimes over 30 minutes late), got competitive with me about being a dancer, talked on and on about her anxiety over her son leaving for college, and regularly flashed me her underwear as she sat across from me in her short skirts. Was this therapist good for me? Oh, hell no! But, my friend who recommended her got so much out of their work together — they were a good match, and we just weren't."
12. "My wife is skeptical about the value of therapy to begin with, but dealing with some really bad work STR, she was willing to do an over-the-phone consultation since her work offers it as a benefit. The counselor spent half an hour complaining about her own demanding work schedule, and how she felt unappreciated. My wife sat back, half-trying to console her, and half-thinking: 'What the hell is this?'"
13. "I had one session with a therapist who, after I told her about my issues, laughed and said: 'Everyone has these problems.' I never went back to her. I told a friend about it later, and she said that some people would appreciate knowing they're not alone in their problems. If their problems are common, then they are solvable — I was blown away. [My therapist made me feel] dismissed, and that [therapy] was the wrong fit for me. But, maybe someone else would have respected my problems."
14. "I told her I tried killing myself six times, and she laughed at me and said (and I quote): 'Well, you should quit while you're ahead — you're clearly bad at it!' I stopped seeing her after that session; I told the people in charge to cancel my next appointment and not to put me on her schedule anymore because of what she said. My therapist tried calling me the next time I was supposed to come in, but I never picked up and listened to her voicemail."
15. "During the first session, we spent 30 minutes doing a questionnaire — and during the second session, I was supposed to start EMDR, and she did the questionnaire again. My session was only an hour long, and I said I couldn't remember how I had answered something before. She asked when I [had filled this out] before, and I said: 'Ummm, like, six days ago with YOU.' She shrugged and finished, and I did 10 minutes of EMDR before she stopped me. At the next appointment, she said: 'I decided two weeks ago to accept another job, so you'll need to find someone else.' Then, she told me to just leave — what???"
16. "When I was involved in suicide prevention advocacy, I was frustrated because other committee members and professionals were discriminatory against me. They viewed me as less-capable because I had a history of mental illness and suicide attempts. In general, they used a lot of derogatory language like: 'Those people are really screwed up,' 'they're phone zombies,' etc. — I hated it."
17. And: "He essentially didn’t ask me any questions, or offer any real assistance — he only let me vent. He also said he’d provide me with some resources, but never actually sent me anything. I was told I'd be charged $90 per session if it lasted 60 minutes (sometimes my sessions would last less than 20 minutes) — and yet, he still charged me the $90. He was also hard to reach out to for scheduling appointments, so I finally stopped going. Now, I have a much better therapist who actually gives me homework, and makes the sessions last the entire time."
Note: Some stories have been edited for length and/or clarity.