Recently, Reddit user idkicantchooseaname asked the women of the community, "What has put you off from having sex with your partner?"
They shared some pretty eye-opening truths and what constantly turns them off when it comes to doing the deed.
So, here are some deeply frustrating things women face in their sex lives:
Note: Everyone's sexual experience is different. Not all opinions below reflect a broad view of sex.
1. "He’s getting so lazy with foreplay, and then pouts when I recoil if he tries to put his penis in before I’m ready. It’s so damn unsexy, and makes me feel like an appliance and not a person. I’m sure he’ll come around, and maybe we need a good kid-free vacation where I can demand proper foreplay without the worry that we have to be quick and quiet (or we risk being interrupted). Until then, I’m just not really going to give in. Lack of foreplay means it hurts — I’m not doing that."
"The kids part is so real — it's stressful. Talk to him outside of sex — the foreplay is just as important as the other stuff. It's all the main event."
2. "He expected me to get myself off before he was done, or to finish myself solo afterwards because it was 'awkward/weird' for him to participate and help me finish. It made me so self-conscious about being naked around him that I couldn’t orgasm. He asked me not to be on top anymore because he didn’t like that my belly touched him before my breasts did from that angle."
3. "He constantly eye-fucks other women when we are in public. This makes me feel inadequate, disrespected, and quite frankly, creeped out. Also, all of a sudden his political views on abortion changed. I’m pro-choice, and he knows this. He was too until…he wasn’t? This made me feel gross."
"Honey, he should be an ex…"
"Oh yes, it’s happening — these things take time! I just moved out :)."
"Congrats :)."
4. "Feeling like there's intention behind every touch/cuddle. I can never tell when it’s just cuddling or if it’s a move towards sex."
"This is the one that absolutely killed it with my ex — it started that way. I felt like he would only touch me if it meant he was gonna have sex. Then it was no cuddles, no kissing, no touching — nothing. It was only ever when he wanted more. Makes you feel like an object."
5. "He told me during sex, 'You can’t even make your partner cum…' He also told me, 'When you go out with friends you look good, and what do I have at home?' That kind of ruined it for me."
6. "Whenever I come home from a long day of work and I see dishes in the sink, laundry on the floor, and trash by the door, I instantly am put off from sex. When I’m home and my husband is at work, I do chores without even thinking about it. It’s automatic — so I expect the same."
"Feel like I’m the default parent, housekeeper, and all-around family planner. There is also a lack of physical attractiveness anymore — sitting around and not doing a whole lot takes away from the 'spice' of it all."
7. "I’m beginning to lose interest in sex with my current partner because I’m bothered by his frequent contact with his ex-wife. Despite multiple conversations about how upsetting/inappropriate I find the constant communication between them, he has not done enough to enforce boundaries and prevent situations that make me feel uncomfortable. This has been going on for so long that I’m starting to lose interest in the relationship — it’s hard to feel emotionally and physically close to him."
8. "When he doesn’t lay a hand on me, hug me, or kiss me all day (or for days on end). And then, out of nowhere, he wants to stick his tongue down my throat because it’s 9 p.m. and he wants to get laid before he goes to sleep."
"Like, my boob isn’t my 'on' button, and when that’s the only thing you touch to initiate…"
"Yep!! Or groping at my pubic area — that doesn't actually really turn me on. The touching throughout the day and build-up from intimate non-sexual touch is so important. Also, actually expressing affectionate and loving words."
9. "I was having sex with an old partner — in the middle of going at it he was on top and I was on my back. He reached over and started doing poppers to get high and it turned me off because he tried to make out with me right afterwards. I was afraid to inhale anything that I didn't want to partake in, so I knocked him off. I haven't spoke to them since :/."
10. "Our couples counselor recommended saying words of appreciation to each other every day to improve our marriage. He said later, 'If you want me to say words of appreciation, then I want sex and oral every time we see each other.' Instant turn off. He also said, 'I like your face better than your body' shortly after having my second child. Apparently it was supposed to be a compliment."
11. "Knowing he’s been watching porn. I don’t like taking care of a boner someone else gave him."
12. "He complained allllll day long about how much his life sucked, and then every time he touched or cuddled me, it was because he just wanted to fuck. It was such a turn-off, but my sex drive has since recovered lol."
"This — so much this!! My husband's birthday is today and I'm supposed to celebrate him with a blowie, but guess who has been treated like the shit on the bottom of his shoes today?!?
I didn't sign up for this."
13. "My ex-partner made me feel like I was his mom instead of his girlfriend. Full-on weaponized incompetence. He also didn't have a job, so I was our only income — he would also never think of dates for us. But when he or his family had something going on, he got mad when I didn't want to 'play taxi' (you're guessing it: He also didn't have a driver's license). He was super surprised when I left and threw a 'big tantrum.'"
14. "Honestly? Bad breath. For some reason he gets bad breath randomly and as soon as he breathes near my nose it’s ugh. If I’m really in the mood I can ignore it. If I'm just humoring the idea, I tell him to brush his teeth (but that often kills the mood). Oh well."
15. "Hearing him fart or take a shit dries me up instantly."
"In the middle of sex, my ex-husband paused INSIDE of me, strained out a fart, and then tried to continue. I've never been more disgusted from a man in my life — to this day his straining face in that moment still haunts me."
16. "The 10+ years of remodeling our house. It's constantly a mess because he abandons the current project for months for hunting season. We have NO storage, no dressers, no room to store stuff because unlike every other house in our neighborhood, we don't have nice sheds for storage or a built-in pantry. I hate the mess and it turns me off that he will not just get on with it or hire someone to just fucking finish it."
"Ma’am are you married to my ex? I had no doors on my kitchen cabinets for two fucking years — two years."
17. "It just feels like another chore. He pouts if it's been a day or two, and heaven forbid I get sick. He seriously believes I get sick on purpose to 'spite him.' I'm not enthusiastic at all, so he knows it's just to shut him up. I really need him to get bored and leave because the multiple times I've told him to leave he makes me feel bad (and with the history of my late husband, I really can't handle that)."
18. "He would scream at video games like a child. He would call people slurs and cuss at them over small things in the game. It made me view him as very childish, and made me not want to have sex with him."
19. And finally, "If we had sex and I didn't finish fast enough, he would sometimes get mad (we're talking 10-15 minutes here). He would just get up and leave the room (one time yelling at me). We solved this issue by not having sex much, but then after like a week, he'd say how pent up he was. So, I'd just take care of him. I was like an on-demand orgasm giver who he didn't enjoy sex with and wasn't attracted to, so I tried not to ask for sex. The possibility of a bruised ego or him rejecting me yet again wasn't worth it."
Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.