Recently Reddit user RichSymphony asked the men of the community, "What is the WORST thing about dating?"
They revealed some pretty eye-opening truths about the dating world, and how draining and just plain awful it is.
So, here are some men who 100% believe dating is the absolute worst thing in the worlddddddd:
Note: These submissions don't reflect a universal experience of men in the dating world. Everyone's opinion is different.
1. "I just can't bring myself to ever go back on dating apps (I would rather die alone than ever subject myself to that experience again). I'm a pretty decent-looking guy, I'm intelligent (study chemistry and microbiology), have a decent job, and I'm not broke. But dating apps ruined my self-esteem for a while — there is a total disconnect from real life and what women want on dating apps. On dating apps, your profile essentially has to be curated by a PR team with perfect photos and a life that makes you seem exciting for you to get any matches. It's a grueling experience, and I'll never try them again."
2. "Dating is expensive lol."
"I just had a first date off of Bumble last week where prior to meeting up, the girl made clear she’d pay her half (which I thought was awesome).
Things were going very well — five hours straight of talking over dinner and drinks with what felt like genuine interest in one another. We were already discussing our next meet. When it came time to paying the bill, she said, 'You don’t have to pay for me…' with a long pause (which I found odd since I wasn’t planning on it after her initial stance). But she didn’t reach for her purse, and I felt the implication she wanted me to pay. I honestly had no problem doing so because we were vibing — so I did.
Within one week she asked to hang out but bailed, and then set plans for the weekend then bailed again.
I asked how her weekend went, one week to the day of our first date, and have since been ghosted.
Short term: I feel used and played and makes me question if I want to continue trying on apps.
Long term: dodged a bullet."
3. "I feel like no one really told me how to date? I don't know how I could ever just approach people — if I tried to meet people as friends first wouldn't it feel terrible if you thought someone was friends just to try and date you? I try online dating in a sort of cycle. I feel lonely, I try for a while then feel miserable when I get matches and no messages on Bumble — then I delete it."
4. "If you're considered a 'High Value Man™' who's attractive and has money and so on, she'll still try to push you to give her the lifestyle she wants (regardless of how it makes you feel). There will always be pressure to get married, to have kids, to have the house she wants, to buy the things she likes, even if her choices aren't ones you agree with. At best, you'll feel like an accessory. At worst, you'll feel like her meal ticket."
"A lot of it is just that guys don't ever seem to matter unless we are exactly what a girl wants when she wants it. We aren't seen as people, and it doesn't change when you're 'good looking' or well-endowed or rich. The behavior might change, but the overall treatment and motivation isn't any different."
5. "Keeping that hope and curious wonder alive, giggling at the perspective of spending time with them, fun date ideas, enjoying time together — then getting ghosted after date one (or before it). Like, damn: It’s a balancing act to subvert my expectations and buy into it all immediately. Everyone’s different, but you have to do all this to still give a great impression. You hope none of your calculated (but sane) actions get misread so she moves on or doesn’t bother."
6. "I don't think I'm George Clooney, but I consider myself a generally attractive man. I have absolutely zero dating life online and otherwise, but not for lack of trying. I try not to get too frustrated, but [feeling undesirable] definitely can weigh on your self-esteem."
7. "Every part of it needs to be calculated — it's like a game. If you respond too fast you’ll look clingy, but if you forget about it, you’ll seem distant. Don’t make her do most of the planning — it’s putting strain on her. But don’t plan things yourself because she knows a better, more local place. And don’t rush it because you’ll seem creepy, but don’t take it too slow because it won’t go anywhere. You lose your identity trying to become the person your date wants."
8. "I’m married now and haven’t dated in over 12 years, but what I remember being the worst was meeting women who were single mothers that wanted you to meet their kids immediately, like do you have no protective instincts whatsoever? Bring someone who is virtually a stranger around your kids? it was always a red flag, the only single mothers I dated were the ones who made it clear that they didn’t bring their kids into it until well into the relationship."
9. "Fortunately, I've come to learn that anyone looking to 'feel a spark' is a bullet dodged. The 'spark' they're chasing is a fantasy they've seen in a movie/drama, and it isn't realistic. They're also the first ones to quit a relationship when things get tough (and every relationship will have its trials and tribulations), or if the relationship isn't new and exciting anymore. Real relationships are cultivated and grown over time — not from some 'love at first sight' crap. That's why our parents' relationships lasted longer and were more organic. They saw each other over the years at school, work, etc., and their connection grew. They didn't meet someone over an app through some 'spark.'"
10. "I hate the fact that if I lose her interest, her attention, or if I stumble even for a microsecond, I look less than desirable in her eyes. She is going to be comparing, contrasting, and looking with cutting judgment if it's time for her to start considering a selection of other people. Women start to view men they date as some kind of consumable entertainment before looking through the endless options they could select. I'm married so it's not a problem for me now, but in the early 2000s dating was not like it is now."
11. "Dishonesty. I dated women who didn't want to break my heart and leave me, so they thought cheating and sticking around was the 'best solution.' Or they did break up with me, but wanted to soften the blow by saying they loved me and had no time to date. After this, I would discover she got a new guy right away. It's odd to me because a person improves most from honesty. If I have a flaw you don't like, point it out and I can work on the flaw. If you simply are over the relationship and tell me, I can move on much easier than if I think you still love me. In an attempt to hurt me less, you've hurt me more."
12. "Probably the amount of work you have to put into actually getting a date. Women don’t generally talk to men for no reason, and don’t want to be approached in random places (like on the street or at the gym). You have to be in an explicitly social place, which also means you have to find a social space that’s accepting of men but still has a significant proportion of women. You’ve done that? Good, now you have to do the weird thing where you get to know the girl and try not to seem like you’re only doing it to flirt (but also try not to seem too aloof and disinterested)."
13. "Speed dating. Today I legit felt like I connected with (and wanted to get to know more) of 11 out of the 16 women present there. You're asked to rate if you'd want to match with the women present on a scorecard, and after midnight you're sent the results. Six minutes ago I found out I had zero matches yet again — I'm just tired."
14. "I think the worst thing about dating is that I thought I had to be someone amazing instead of being myself. I think if I didn't go to bars and pine for waitresses who were just doing their jobs, I would've found a hobby I liked. Things would've been better."
"Putting things in the 'right' order is not being focused on finding a companion, but enjoying life. Then when you're taking that cooking class or learning how to ride a horse or how to paint, whatever it is — you start to meet people with similar interests. You might meet someone who fits well with you."
15. "Going on a date and feeling scared to be vulnerable to prevent yourself from getting hurt again. Being perceived as boring or quiet because you’re closed off. Then when you finally open up and are vulnerable, you get ghosted — you wonder if being vulnerable made them do that."
16. "With online dating, I will ask two to three thoughtful and/or quirky questions. If I don’t get any return questions after that, I immediately move on so I don't waste my time."
17. And finally, "Many bad apples making it worse for the rest of us. There's no easy way to immediately make it clear you're not 'weird' or a 'creep' because a lot of those guys appear to be normal at first. That makes approaching women a bit harder because a lot of them are understandably apprehensive — they've all had multiple bad experiences with pushy guys. But at the same time you're generally expected to make the first move, so you have to be very careful with the time, place, and manner in which you do so."
Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.