Recently Reddit user dAstra2806 asked the men of the community, "Men in their forties and above, what are the life tips/advice that you have for men in their thirties?"
Well, fortunately for men on the internet, these folks didn't hold anything back. They were extremely candid about lessons they've learned and hopefully will encourage younger men to live their best lives.
So, here are some eye-opening life tips and advice men in their forties and above have for men in their thirties:
1. "Learn to maintain your social connections and form new ones, like calling and messaging friends out of the blue and organizing outings. Also, be able to open up with your feelings to them. The number one indicator of your health is your social health (sometimes more than diet or not smoking or anything else). Loneliness will destroy your body and soul, and it gets easier and easier to become isolated and disengaged as you age (especially as a man)."
"I am going to take this advice. My group chat with my friends has basically gone silent since we all started having kids the past few years. No one ever organizes anything or makes any effort to just catch up and spend time together anymore."
2. "Having a lot of expensive things won't make you happy — you will learn physical items are only temporary. That $70,000 car you have will be worthless and definitely out of date before you are finished paying for it. The extra big house that seems perfect will cost you so much more in taxes, utilities, insurance, and repairs than you would have paid with incrementally smaller houses."
3. "Calm the fuck down, learn how to apologize correctly, and don't hold onto anger for so long. Take the initiative to start things. Go along with things your wife, girlfriend, husband, boyfriend, or partner wants to do (even if it seems lame or boring at first)."
"[Apologizing correctly] looks like: Taking ownership. 'I’m sorry I did/said [the thing]. Be better. 'I won’t do it again/I’ll seek help. And don’t deflect/excuse. 'But you do X, Y, Z, all the time."
4. "[Don't stay in a bad relationship] because you 'feel sorry for her.' I did that — it was a huge, huge mistake. I felt like she was very invested in the relationship and would not take the breakup well. I was right, but putting it off for a long time was much worse than if I'd just ripped the bandaid off (as they say)."
5. "The biggest decision you will ever make in your life is who you have a kid with. You can undo everything else — you can get married, you can get divorced, you can buy a house, and you can sell it and pay out the mortgage. But you can't undo the parent of your child. You are locked in with that person for life. Get it right and life will be good, or get it wrong and your life will be hell. Choose VERY carefully — you do have control. There's a gadget called a condom — always have some around. And if you're committed to not having kids, then get a vasectomy."
6. "Never get complacent in your job and your career — keep your eyes open for opportunities and challenges. The older you get, the more you earn, and the more susceptible you are to being a line item on the income statement they can cut if things get tight. So if you want to survive at your career until you're ready to retire, always be able to justify how you contribute to your employer's bottom line."
7. "By the time your kids are around 10 years old, you’ve probably already spent about half your time with them. They’ll need you less and less, and grow into their own social groups. This is good — don’t hold them back, but do appreciate the moments you have with them."
8. "If you are married or have a partner you are going to stay with, enjoy your time together as much as you can. Take that trip, do the thing. Their health can fail quickly and unexpectedly, and you will wish you’d done it when you had a chance. Same if you’re single, but when the person you love suffers, it will tear you up and fill you with regret for the things you were going to get to do later."
9. "Tell the people you love (parents, siblings, friends, etc.) that you love them. In your thirties, it becomes this time where the people in your life will start to die or get sick. Make sure that you hug them and make them feel loved."
10. "Have frank conversations with your parents about what they want as they age. Get EVERY detail from them: Wishes, bank account numbers, insurance info, their wills. Cover every detail you can while they are cognizant. It can be uncomfortable, but not as bad as not knowing and the chaos that can ensue after they die."
11. "Stay in some kind of reasonable shape. You don't have to be a fitness junkie, but doing some functional work in the gym three to four times a week will pay off when you're over 40. It gets a lot harder to get started the older you get. The big three and some cardio is a solid foundation."
12. "Relationships are work — if you don’t work, you don’t flourish. And if they're romantic, actually get to know someone first. Wait four seasons before you take the next step. Also, love isn’t 50/50 — it’s 100/100. Forgive often, laugh often, and don’t stop dating the person you are with."
13. "Learn to leave things behind because people and relationships change. Time starts moving at an alarming pace. If you have to question why you're doing something or why you're spending time with certain people, then you shouldn't be doing it. You'll continue to grow and evolve, so don't let things from the past prevent that growth."
14. "Look at your social circle and what you guys do as hobbies. Make a plan and serious effort to maintain those things that you like — within the next 10-15 years you will start to realize how much that effort is meaningful. None of those things run on autopilot, and they are really difficult to rebuild once you let them slip away. When you’re in your mid-to late forties, you’ll realize how much they matter and you'll either feel lost or thankful for your efforts."
15. "Start taking care of yourself not because you’re gonna 'break down,' but because your forties feel best when you’re on the verge of new challenges. It's not when you’re a 'broke-down wreck' just trying to get to an age when you can justify your 'broken-ness.'"
16. "Save and invest your money — your 60-year-old-self will thank you for it. Work towards having four to six months living expenses in the bank as an emergency fund, and don't touch it. Once you have that, start investing. Also, if your company has an investment plan such as 401(k), max that puppy out and discover the miracle of compound interest."
17. "Read challenging novels that have ideas. The mind is a muscle and becomes what it is fed. Don’t be 60 and have only fed your mind on headlines and soundbites."
18. "Stay away from negative people who pull you down and learn as many things as you can (especially how to fix things on your own so you don't have to rely on other people to help you). Because most of the time when you need something, they're never around."
19. And finally, "Start now — whatever it is, start now. Whether it's running, learning a new skill, life insurance, speaking to a therapist, or saving for retirement. Just start now. Life can start after 40 — it did for me, but you don’t need to wait."
Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.