Recently, Reddit user u/nofreepizza asked the community: "Men with porn addictions, how does this affect your relationship with your girlfriend/wife?"
They didn't hold anything back, and revealed the strong impact porn has had in their romantic lives (whether it's for better or for worse).
So, here's how porn has affected men's relationships with women:
Note: These submissions don't reflect a universal experience of people who are addicted to porn. Everyone's story is different.
1. "I had a girlfriend for three years in my early 20s, and I firmly blame porn for my own elevated sex-drive and mounting frustration with my girlfriend who seemed practically sex averse. I remember a thought I had was that I could end it and find a more compatible girl very soon. That is still my longest lasting relationship, and while I'm over it now, looking back I had it better than I thought at the time. I have a very good relationship now where we both have a very casual relationship with porn. We use it to get ideas for ourselves, or to just lay about and masturbate."
2. "I don't watch porn anymore because I kicked the habit, but when I was in college, I did. I had a girlfriend, and it honestly made everything bad. It took a lot of the pleasure out of sex with her after a handful of times, and I'd have to think about other stuff to get off fully after a while (despite there being a hot girl who is exactly my type having sex with me). It also sort of ruined the bond we had because sex should be about love in a relationship, and the porn made me super cut off emotionally. I took her for granted and didn't understand what sex really was (it wasn't just grabbing a butt like a porn shoot). It ended up ruining the relationship and other relationships I had with partners. Porn 100% takes away the emotional experience of real sex."
3. "On a communication level, girls don't seem to really understand that there is nothing they can do. They will ask me what they should do to turn me on more, and it's just not about that. Depending on their background or opinion on porn, they won't be bothered by the idea of you masturbating or watching porn when the 'bad habit' kicks in again. When I do have the occasional 'bad habit' relapse, I suppose I wish they would kinda encourage me to not entertain a 'bad habit.' But not all girls understand how damaging porn can be — some think it's fun and liberating."
"For anyone who is struggling with this still, it's important to define your goal, why you are doing it, and just start. You don't need to be perfectly restrained forever — you don't need a perfect endless streak.
Things will change if you cut your use/consumption in half. If you can, go from every day to once a week. Go from once a week to once every two weeks — you will still feel the benefits, and you gotta make small, sustainable changes that will over time become one big change."
4. "I just asked my partner for some spicy pics, and that did it for me. Attraction and love went up. I always knew porn was fake — it's definitely good to stop looking at it (My god, don’t go on Twitter — I unfollowed every sex account and still see shit on my feed)."
"Take the pictures on her phone sometimes. Say, 'Send these to me when you want me to think about you.' Take some of just her face — get artistic with it! Maybe shoot a few in black and white, use some filters. Women love photo shoots — make them look stunning naked to boost their self-esteem (if they need it)."
5. "So I've struggled with porn for the better part of about 20 years. Not like days straight of nothing but mindless scrolling and video watching, but definitely not a month went by where I didn't get off to online content. I met an amazing woman about three weeks ago. Truth be told, on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being that I've lost control and jerked it to porn), I would say since I started seeing this fantastic girl, my porn urge has maybe cracked a 1? There's nothing but hurt and pain in porn — the hurt I would cause my girlfriend for choosing images and videos over her. Sure, porn can deliver a much, MUCH wider range of imaginative content than 'vanilla sex' can, but loving intimacy with your significant other will always beat porn every day of the week. There is no love in porn."
6. "I cold turkey-ed porn about two months ago, and I am currently cold turkey-ing masturbating (I'm four days in). I've noticed I’ve gotten sexually attracted to women a lot easier, and I feel more energetic for sure. I was in bed with a one night stand a week ago and noticed no issues getting it up and staying hard, which used to be an issue. Definitely feel like my anger tolerance is lower, too — the gym and working out also keeps me sane. Highly recommend quitting porn if you can."
7. "It definitely negatively affects it! Real women have stretch marks, body odors, tastes, sweat, and imperfections. Performance anxiety is a real thing — real sex is nothing like in porn. One thing I have noticed is that I am able to read her body cues better."
8. "I’ve been in a relationship for a little over a year, and my addiction has relaxed a little because of all of the intimacy. But, it is definitely still there. She knows this and doesn’t feel comfortable with the situation. I have tried many times to stop by making myself as busy as possible, but in the end, it comes back. It makes it hard to finish during intimacy and difficult to stay erect during our intimate times as well. I’m still trying to quit, but it's impossible to quit cold turkey."
9. "I was watching porn before any relationship — but after I got out of one, I stopped trying to get back into one. It's been five years since I've been in one."
10. "It made it harder to simply be present when I was around my girlfriend. We would be cuddling and watching a movie or something like normal teenagers do, and I would just be thinking about porn rather than enjoying what I have."
11. "I still jerk off once a day mostly, but not watching porn makes my life so much better. I have more energy, less anxiety, and feel happier."
12. "I'm not sure if the habit came from problems with the wife, or problems with the wife came from the addiction. But, I will just watch some in the morning and some before bed (like catching up on the news). Over time I guess I became so exposed to it that my body doesn't need/care for sex anymore. It hasn't addressed the societal pressure that 'you should be having sex with your wife to have a healthy relationship' that pangs me at times. It's the buildup of potential ideas of courting and the actual sex in my head. Then I get home, and it all just dissipates and is gone in minutes of walking through the door."
13. "The sex improved when I quit."
14. "I'm single at the moment, but I had a 'normal' dating life. Few girlfriends, married, then divorced, then dated one person for a few months until now. It didn't affect my relationships because just like some porn addicts, I learned to compartmentalize and keep them separate. I didn't have some of the problems that most addicts have, either. Lasting forever to being desensitized, or the myth that you need to seek hardcore or extreme content to get your fix (because the 'normal' stuff doesn't do anything anymore)."
"That hasn't happened to me — I've been fairly consistent. Just 'normal' sex, and I'd rather watch homemade as opposed to professionally made content.
My consumption goes down when I'm seeing someone — like as much as I'm addicted, it will never, ever replace the real thing. But I still need it from time to time — it's like a self-soothing mechanism.
So, I've been in relationships before and after I got addicted; it hasn't felt any different, to be honest. But I'm pretty sure I'm an outlier."
15. And finally: "People always assume it’s just the sex that takes a hit when you’re addicted to porn, but it’s not. It goes beyond sex. The seduction, intimacy, flirting (all of which are things you do when you’re so in love and you find your partner so sexy). That goes when you go home and release your need to be seductive and intimate."
"The before is what matters — the intangible nuances that make your relationship so loving and intimate. Porn takes that from you. Who cares about flirting with your girlfriend of five years when you can just jack off to basically a supermodel when you get home?
Everything suffers, and it snowballs and ripples out into things you never would’ve thought would be affected by porn.
I hid my porn addiction from my girlfriend of seven years during the whole relationship — we are no longer together, and I am still addicted to porn."
Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
Let's flip the script a little, folks. If you're someone who identifies as a woman and has a porn addiction, how has it affected your romantic relationships?
