Reddit user u/TheSelfCenter asked the community, "What do you think of 'Once a cheater, always a cheater'?" Well, some folks didn't hold anything back, and dropped their honest-to-god opinions. Everyone's thoughts and stories about cheating on romantic partners were different (like...love is pretty darn complicated, man).
So here's what folks *really* think about cheating on your romantic partner:
Note: Some submissions include topics of drug abuse and domestic abuse. Please proceed with caution.
1. "If someone cheats, the trust in the relationship is gone and it will never be restored to anywhere near what it used to be. That stain will always be there. Even if they don't do it again and they really do change (which you will never actually know), most of the time it's not even worth the effort to try to rebuild that mess. It's better to let that shit go and start new with someone who hasn't betrayed you and whom you can trust than to live indefinitely in doubt."
2. "I used to be a really 'shitty' person (in and out of prison; had a drug abuse problem). During those days, I absolutely cheated. Let's fast-forward some years later — I've taken care of all my legal issues, I'm closing in on six years sober, and I've since remarried. She is the most amazing person in the world. I know it's cliché to say it, but I seriously cannot imagine having anyone else in my life but her. You couldn't pay me any amount of money to cheat on her — hell, even with her 'permission,' it still wouldn't work. She is the only person on Earth I'm genuinely attracted to — it's like all other girls just disappeared when I met my wife."
"And it's not some 'honeymoon phase,' either. For over five years now, we've had sex 7 to 10 times a week, and every single time is somehow better than the day before."
3. "Someone’s romantic past behavior is a good predictor of what they’ll do in the future."
"Especially if you know they've done nothing to address the past behavior. I've done things I'm not proud of in my past, but the idea that they would perpetually be attached to me decades later (sight unseen) — fuck that. I've done the work and will be seen for who I am in the present day."
4. "If someone has been a serial cheater as an adult, I think it's reasonable to assume they are always going to be a cheater. But if someone cheated when they were a teenager and haven't since, that's fine. It's also reasonable if they cheated in a very specific circumstance (I know someone who cheated on an abusive spouse after 12 years and multiple attempts to leave him). Ethically, that's not a 'good' thing to do, but I think it came more from a place of subconsciously making sure that she would actually leave than to 'be a person who is a cheater.' And because of that, I don't think it's a foregone conclusion that they will cheat again."
5. "I definitely fucked up more than once during one relationship in my teens (I'm in my 30s now). I was young, reckless, and frankly miserable — I still regret it to this day. But I've changed my ways since. I've been with someone for over two years now — we used to be poly, but we're monogamous now. He's everything to me."
6. "If they cheat WITH you, they'll cheat ON you."
"I find it hilarious that most cheaters I’ve known cheat on you with cheaters. It’s like they got some weird-ass magnetic thing going on. If someone’s NOT cheating ON or WITH you, then you run into the problem of at least one partner doing it (regardless of whether it was the initial cheater)."
7. "My college boyfriend cheated on me — we broke up, and I didn’t hear from him for a few years. Then one day he DM'd me on Instagram right after I posted some summer pictures, asking to hang out. I said no because I had a boyfriend at the time and didn’t want to see my ex. A month later, I found out my ex's new girlfriend broke up with him for cheating. So not only did he cheat on me, but he tried to cheat with me. TL;DR: Some people never change."
8. "If they cheat on ME, I can't, in good conscience, stick around when I've had my trust betrayed like that. They might very well reform themselves one day, but it will have to be with someone else. I'm not waiting around for that maturity to happen (and plus, I'm older — I'm 34). If they are still doing that shit at this age, and the relationship is a good one overall, I don't have any confidence they will change. There are deeper issues going on there."
9. "It's not always true, but it tends to be true more often than not. I've known a few serial cheaters, and in both cases they regularly blamed their behaviors on their partners. They didn't feel much remorse for their actions (a little guilt, yes, but only so much, as it was only a minor inconvenience to their overall ability to cheat). I think that these factors more than anything else predict a cheater's likelihood of re-offending: their sense of personal accountability/responsibility over their actions, and their sense of guilt — and if either or both aren't 100%, then their chances of re-offending are basically also 100%."
10. "Will every person who cheats once cheat again? Obviously not. But is it probable that someone who cheats will do it again? Yes. Because there are certain lines that have to be crossed to cheat, and once you have crossed those lines, it becomes easier to justify when you come to those lines again. It wouldn't be a deal-breaker for me, but it would 100% change the way I approach the relationship (and make me more cautious than I would otherwise be)."
11. "I was engaged to a girl. She cheated on me during our whole relationship with my best friend and bandmate, who was also a serial cheater. After we split up, there were the usual postings from them: 'Found my soulmate,' blah, blah, blah. They got married, got pregnant, and then karma struck. A few months later, they split up. Nobody knows 100% why, but one of them cheated — so I agree: Once a cheater, always a cheater."
12. "Don't live your life by the 'Once a cheater, always a cheater' phrase. Life is not black and white — there are a lot of gray areas. A lot of things in life change, and it depends on the circumstance. The only phrase I believe in is, 'It is possible to do everything right and still lose.' That is not a weakness — that is life."
13. "Morals aside, it's technically true. The act of cheating (even once) makes you a cheater. It doesn't matter if you regret it afterward and/or you never do it again. Personally, I would never establish a relationship with a person who I know has cheated in the past. I would never trust them, no matter what."
14. "I feel like it comes down to something that’s very complicated. But at the same time, my sister has cheated multiple times on every boyfriend she’s ever had, so I’m not sure anymore."
15. And this: "It’s absolutely a terrible generalization — I’m not defending cheaters at all. Not one bit. But 'Once a cheater, always a cheater' rests on the assumption that people can’t change and become better versions of themselves, and people shouldn’t be forgiven for past transgressions if they truly learned from their past. That’s an absolutely stupid and disgusting way to think — it’s downright toxic. That being said, habitual cheaters are scum. I believe in second chances, not third chances."
Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.