The Casual Pooper
You'll poop anywhere and continue with your daily activities. You don't put much thought into pooping, you just take care of it whenever you have the urge. Sure, you occasionally have bouts of diarrhea and difficult constipation but that's just par for the course right?
What this says about you
You're the type of person who doesn't get bogged down by the little things in life. You value privacy, but you also don't mind letting loose every once in a while. You're always down to hit the bar after work and have a couple beers. You think of things in a very logical manner and rarely get swept up in over-thinking. You'd make a great businessman or entrepreneur because you, quite literally, get right down to business.
The Fearful Clencher
You'll poop anywhere, but you're very reluctant about it. You'll only poop in a public bathroom if no one else is around and a sink is running. If someone comes in while you're doing the deed, you'll clench up in fear and wait until they've left the bathroom. You don't want anyone to hear the sound of your bodily functions but sometimes you just can't hold it in.
What this says about you
You're slightly insecure about yourself as a general human being. You find yourself extremely awkward and like to avoid situations that involve large groups of people and no alcohol. You're constantly afraid that you will do something weird and people will dislike you and make fun of you forever. It's okay to be afraid, but you're probably an awesome person and you shouldn't worry so much.
The Sloppy Joe
You poop and you don't care who knows it. You don't talk about it too much, but you also don't cover up the fact that you're doing it. You go into the bathroom for book-reading lengths of time then emerge with a fog of fecal doom surrounding you. When you poop in public, you often clog the toilet and leave a nightmare for some sordid janitor. You are a pooping force to be reckoned with.
What this says about you
Hygiene and general cleanliness are not the most important things in your life. You don't mind eating dinner then leaving the plate under your bed to collect mold and dust for years to come. You enjoy a good Netflix series and a bag of fun-size Snickers on a Saturday night. You're an easygoing person and you like to live life on your own agenda without worrying about the expectations of others. Your roommate probably leaves passive aggressive notes for you, but that's okay.
The Toilet Talker
You poop constantly and you LOVE to let everyone know about it. Had an amazing perfect S-shaped poo? Make sure to snap a picture and send it to five of your closest friends. You have no shame when it comes to pooping! You'll let out enormous farts in public bathrooms, giggle quietly and Tweet about it. You don't want there to be any mystery about what you're doing when you hide away in the bathroom for a suspicious amount of time. You're excited about your accomplishments and pride yourself on having a healthy excretory system.
What this says about you
You're a fun loving person who gets a kick out of the little things in life. You're always down for a new adventure and you always want to make new friends. You like to be the center of attention and will often make a fool of yourself in efforts to do so. You might be a little bit of an over-sharer but who doesn't need someone like that in their life? Just make sure you send your poop pics to the right people, because we all know how one letter could get that giant floater sent straight to Grandma's inbox.
The Non-Pooper
You claim that you do not poop. Years ago your butthole closed off and you have not had to use the restroom for number 2 since then. You are appalled by the idea of someone talking openly about poop and you do not surround yourselves with the types of people who would ever commit such a heinous act. If you were ever to do such a thing, you would make sure that no one ever knew about it. Because it's just too shameful to admit.
What this says about you
You are in DENIAL. Haven't you read the book Everybody Poops? We know your secret. You wait until you're at home alone with no chance of any intruders then you spend a good half hour expelling all the pent up doo-doo that has been begging for escape throughout the entire day. You don't want to appear weak or human so you like to hide this aspect of your life. You enjoy the finer things in life and like to keep up an elegant and attractive appearance. You like to keep your friends close but your enemies closer. You're such a Frank Underwood it's insane.
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