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14 Lessons I Learned From My High School Diary

I recently came across the abhorred specimen that is my high school diary. At this point in my life, the world revolved solely around my interactions with boys. These are a few humiliating excerpts from the diary and the subsequent lessons I wish I could have taught myself.

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1. “I’m starting to think I’m cursed or something. Idk what’s wrong w/ me… :( well it’s probably just PMS. I’m gonna go.”

Yes, your period is a curse and you will suffer from it monthly. This will never change.

2. “Although John may have hurt me, I can’t just wallow 4evr you know? I have to let it go. Lol that rhymed.”

Sometimes, when a guy treats you like shit, you can end up finding artistic strength and the power to rhyme. And that is worth all the heartbreak in the world.

3. “I don’t know what to do. I’ve never felt like this before. I can’t stop thinking about John. I mean we talk 4 like 20 minutes in person every day and he’s still saying he never sees me. I feel like he’s leading me on.”

If a guy is making excuses for why he doesn't want to be with you, he doesn't want to be with you. Twenty minutes isn't enough time to fall in and out of love with someone.

4. “OMG John is the biggest jerk I have ever known, but I still have a huge crush on him.”

While we may be evolutionarily predisposed to enjoy ASSHOLES, that doesn't mean you should stick around. GET OVER JOHN!

5. “I feel like looks are everything and, IDK I’m not the prettiest girl but I feel like I’m a better person than the popular girls.”

People should love you for what's on the inside. The popular girls are filled with slime and feces.

6. “I’m feeling depressed because I haven’t had one bit of romance in my life but idk, I guess I’m a little too young for it anyway.”

You are fifteen years old, the romance can wait. When you're in your 20s and men are breathing down your neck looking for a good time, you'll wish you had a little less "romance" in your life.

7. “His name is Matt and I think I love him. Well anyway, we hung out for the first time this Thursday.”

YOU CAN'T LOVE SOMEONE YOU MET LESS THAN A WEEK AGO IN HIGH SCHOOL.

8. “I’m pretty sure he wanted to make out but I don’t really know how. Plus we aren’t even going out.”

No one knows how to make out when they do it for the first time… But good for you for not putting out for a guy who hasn't made you "Facebook Official."

9. “We never ended up going out because Allie got him to like her instead. But then he liked me again and I didn’t want her to feel bad so we didn’t go out.”

She got a boy to like her instead of you, and YOU are afraid of hurting HER feelings? Grow a pair and claim what was always yours. He seems like an asshole though.

10. “I got my first boyfriend, we haven't hung out yet because he was in California when he asked me out through a text.”

You're dating each other but you've never actually gone on a date? You might want to rethink that order. And NEVER date a guy who asks you out via text. EVER.

11. “Things ended before they started. We broke up after two weeks. He was too scared to even call me or hang out with me.”

IF HE WAS TOO SCARED TO ASK YOU OUT IN PERSON HE WAS PROBABLY NOT READY TO BE AROUND YOU IN PERSON. WHERE WAS THE RELATIONSHIP HERE?

12. “I think a lot about modeling, If I had a smaller butt and smaller thighs I would probably pursue. I kind of have an edgy look because my nose is so big.”

Girl, if you want to be a model. Go be a model. But if you're going to sit and criticize your own appearance, you're gonna have a tough time dealing with the perpetual criticism of EVERYONE in that industry.

13. “I have my second boyfriend. He always asks me to tell him how much I like him on a scale of 1 to 10. I made him tell me first and he said 12!”

Even at age 15 this is lame. If someone is asking you that they're obviously insecure. Dump that shit.

14. “We went out for about two months, which is my longest relationship ever. He told me he broke up with me because of my friends but I later found out he was gay and dumped me for a new boyfriend.”

Getting dumped by a boy, for a boy is always humiliating. But you should be able to use your in-depth two month experience to enhance your gaydar to almost scientific levels.

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