Washington Crossing the Delaware
1. Damn its chilly.
2. I hope that dude is holding onto that flag as tight as I am.
3. Why is it my job to push away these glaciers? I did not sign up for this when I chose the front of the boat. George knew this too!
4. Le sigh, these ice blocks I am pushing away remind me of Janice. Cold and big, just like her. I wonder what she is doing right now...
5. Is John STILL thinking about Janice? He's got to focus on those ice blocks. I still feel kinda bad about that.
6. Oh shit, I forgot to text Janice! She's gonna be so pissed I didn't text her before we crossed.
7. I'll cross this river, but first, let me take a selfie.
8. These guys are total wimps.
9. Whose idea was this to go in the middle of winter? WHY AREN'T WE WEARING GLOVES?!
10. Yo, this invasion better not ruin my hat, I just got this at Lids yesterday.
11. I'm too cold to row, so I am just going to sit here and pretend I am doing something by holding this rifle and wrapping myself up in a blankie.
12. Are we there yet?
13. UGH Washington, chill homie! We know we are supposed to be quiet, that's why it's a surprise #duh.
15. I heard George Washington met John Stamos on a plane and he told him he was really pretty!
16. Uhhhh, why is Washington so put together? None of us have showered in weeks…
17. My guns are going to be so sick after this rowing sesh.
18. I mean, I guess this flag is cool.
19. The British... they RUIN EVERYTHING!
20. UGH is freedom really necessary? This weather has me thinking otherwise.
21. This is kinda like a surprise party nobody wants to go to.
22. I can't believe I forgot a scarf.
23. The shores of New Jersey will always be filled with brave, pale, honorable souls.
24. You know, I bet New Jersey will forever be known as the state that helped get sh*t done against the British.
25. Washington's outfit is #onfleek.
26. Wait, so what do we do with these boats when we get to shore?
27. I HATE working on Christmas.
28. Uhhh its starting to snow… I shoulda called in sick.
29. Dude, this massive flag is getting really heavy.
30. I should get "Victory or Death" tattooed across my chest.
31. I think some of us are going to have to cross again in a few days. #awks
32. I have to poop. Crap, now what?!
33. It's not always that small, its just this water is really, really cold.
34. I guess this whole crossing a freezing river at night thing is actually happening.
35. I wonder how those guys bringing the cannons across are doing....
36. Have swimmies been invented yet?
37. Everyone is being too noisy.
38. Let it goooo, let it goooo.
39. You know, this landscape looks a lot like Arendelle after Elsa turns it into a permanent winter.
40. Why do men have nipples?
41. Seriously, these ice chunks. What the actual f---
42. Hot totties on me when we get there!
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