5. At least you’re good for the rest of the school year — of course, until you have a substitute:
Viola Swamp will NOT pronounce your name correctly.
7. People with normal last names are always thinking up horrible ill-advised baby names because they don’t understand The Struggle.
It’s bad enough for those of us with just difficult last names, a tough first name is way more annoying — you have to explain it EVERY time.
11. On the plus side, you know IMMEDIATELY it’s a telemarketer by the half-second hesitation before saying your name.
13. If it’s an ethnic-sounding name, people always ask you if you speak the language and have relatives in that country, as if immigration to the United States hasn’t been happening for 300 years.
Not to mention that a last name only denotes your father’s side; apparently people have been “mixing” in this country for quite some time now.
16. When filling out a form, you realize halfway through your first name…
17. Seriously, never fits on ANYTHING.
18. Even your best friends still spell your name wrong.
At your closest friends’ weddings, you will never receive a save-the-date, invitation, and seating card with consistent spellings across all three.
19. You’ve perfected a standard way of explaining the pronunciation by using more normal words.
20. At least you don’t have to worry that someone with the same name as you is squatting it on social media.
21. But because no one has your name, there’s no hiding your embarrassing internet trail on on Google.
Thanks to impossibly named BuzzFeeders Sapna Maheshwari, Adrian Carrasquillo, Andrew Kaczynski, Emily Fleischaker, Doree Shafrir, Dan Oshinsky, Erik Malinowski, Tasneem Nashrulla, Tanner Ringerud, Lauren Yapalater, Matt Bellassai, Krutika Mallikarjuna, Ailbhe Malone, and Regis Courtemanche for input.
Please read that out loud three times fast if you want some fun.
- The Army Corps of Engineers and North Dakota police have ordered protesters to leave the Dakota Access Pipeline site by this afternoon or face arrest.
- Seven Earth-sized planets that could have water and possibly sustain life have been discovered orbiting a dwarf star, NASA announced today.
- The ACLU is suing the city of Milwaukee and its police for allegedly performing thousands of illegal stop-and-frisk searches that targeted minorities.
- #Peggygate: West Elm offers full refunds for the notoriously disintegrating Peggy Couch days after pulling it from its website and stores👏