Girl Scout Cookie Season is upon us, and you know what that means: losing yourself in bountiful boxes of sweet, mouthwatering goodness!
You may have seen the Girl Scout Cookie Wine Pairings – but let's face it, that's for amateurs. Now you can use this handy Illicit Drug Pairing guide to find just the right combination to take your cookie enjoyment to the next level!
Thin Mints
drug pairing: Heroin
Some of us just have a taste for the classics — and that's where Thin Mints and heroin come in! What better way to complement mint, the perennial herb, than with poppy plant seed-pods? And DYK when you inhale the crispy chocolate wafers and opioids together it's called a seedball? (well, not really, but it should be!) This combo will not only give you a rush of happiness; it really puts the "skinny" in Thin Mints! But be careful — the withdrawal is a bitch!
Tagalongs
drug pairing: MDMA
Slathered in peanut butter and coated with milk chocolate, there's no doubt Tagalongs are the cookie equivalent of dressing as a human-sized cartoon mouse and dancing the night away — and that's why the peanut butter patties find their ideal match in the club drug "Molly"! So get ready to savor the flavor and unclench that jaw whilst uncomfortably touching strangers with zero inhibitions! You deserve to feel like a teenager again!
Trefoils
drug pairing: Cocaine
We all know the traditional shortbread cookie is for purists with refined taste –
so when you bite into those lily-white Trefoils, it's best to pair them with a bump of white glitter! There's simply no more perfect combination to clean your house, rearrange any beadwork you may have lying around, and enjoy an over-inflated sense of self when you knock that job interview out of the park! And you'd better – you'll need the money for more cookies!
Samoas
drug pairing: LSD
A mess of chocolate, coconut, cookie, and caramel, these abstractly-monikered edibles are the Jackson Pollock painting of Girl Scout Cookies. So what better way to cultivate your distorted perception of reality than by accompanying that lysergic acid diethylamide with Samoas? Melt away into the oozing chocolaty goodness as you melt away into the oozing, heaving walls – and don't forget to stamp your passport to the Republic of Delicious!
Do-Si-Dos
drug pairing: Steroids
Bursting with protein, these peanut butter sandwich cookies really pack a punch — which is why active adults on-the-go pair their Do-Si-Dos with illegal performance-enhancing drugs! Whether Motocross, PX90, or just a good old-fashioned square dance is your thing, Do-Si-Dos and HGH will give you all the energy you need – but just remember to take out your drug-fueled aggression on the cookie box and not on that great big world you're conquering!
Savannah Smiles
drug pairing: Methamphetamine
Is there a more simple pleasure than hearkening the Deep South with a lemon-flavored cookie and crystal meth? That's why the aptly-named Savannah Smiles are the perfect treats with which to lose yourself in methamphetamine! Picture, if you will, slipping away into euphoria on a porch swing in Georgia whilst eating the delicate delight— and don't forget to pack some insect repellant for all those crawling bugs!
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