What Every Summer Is Like For People Who Hate It

It's too hotttttttt.

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Right about now, everyone around you is THRILLED. "It's finally summer!!!!!!!!" they scream. You, meanwhile, are filled with dread.

You've begun looking up 10-day forecasts, seeing a sea of 85-90°+ days ahead of you, and wondering how you will survive.

You want to avoid the beach like the plague but it's ALL ANYONE WANTS TO DO.

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Do I want to go sit on a hot, crunchy surface to sweat and squint for 4 hours, and then go home with a painful burn after? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Once, just once, this summer, you are going to agree to go, because you'll think, "Maybe this year it'll be different."

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"Maybe, finally, this year, that surf hair thing I've read about in the magazines will happen to me."

You will have a brief, black-and-white vision of beach-frolicking and think, "Maybe I'll get a piggyback ride out of this."

You will start dropping hints to your friends. "It looks like it might rain???" you'll say. "There are literally no clouds," they'll say. You'll try again. "Did you guys hear a shark??"

Summer tries to make you feel bad for continuing to enjoy your hobbies from other seasons, like eating and watching Netflix.