Well, we asked for this. We complained about the unseasonably warm winter, and now look.
It's fucking freezing pretty much everywhere.
We complained our way into this frozen hellscape, and now we have to live with it.
How silly these complaints seem, now. We were so innocent back then.
How casually we posted scornful memes to our Instagrams, our Tumblrs.
"LOL," we thought. "So true," we captioned.
And now look. We ... won.
And we've got to act THRILLED about it.
We have to get out there and take smiling selfies and shit.
We have to roll around in the snow (if we are lucky enough to at least have snow along with our freezing cold).
Remember: We can DO this. We LOVE the winter. We love decorative socks in muted tones.
We love cold-weather comfort foods. We will have our cups of soup and press onward in this life.
Now is the time for our bravado. Now is the time for us to head outside, eyes squinting, teeth chattering, and loudly pronounce, "It's not even that cold."
Now is the time to remember that you have declared yourself a Winter Person, and you cannot betray it.
And remember: there are probably only 3 more months until you can resume constant complaining about how warm it is.
