• Viral badge
  • lol badge

24 Signs Dating Isn't For You

1. The only online profile you've got is Seamless.

1. You can't totally remember the last time you went on a date.

2. You're not opposed to dating in THEORY, if you found the right kind of person.

3. "Getting to know people" and "charm" are not among your skill set.

4. Your idea of flirting is typically way too small ...

5. ...or wayyyy too big.

6. You can't really ever tell if anyone's flirting with you and oh my god I wasn't trying to say you were I'm so sorry this is awkward.

7. You have crushes on people! But everything beyond that seems like so much workkkkk.

8. The person you like hanging out with most is you.

9. "How soon can I leave without it being rude?" —you, five minutes into a date.

10. Ughhh two hours of small talk and drinking with nothing to eat? Hard pass.

11. The thought of parting with $20–60 to hang out with a stranger makes you want to cry.

12. One of you is going to get there before the other, and what will you do? Just SIT THERE??

13. You become overwhelmed at the thought of having to pick a first-date outfit.

14. Do people who tell you to try online dating not realize they sound INSANE?

15. Have they...seen...the kind of things people say in online dating?

16. You'd rather just fall in love with your perfect hot friend roommate who happens to live across the hall.

17. Your friends tell you your standards are "rigid" and "unrealistic."

18. You don't really have the patience for "second chances."

19. Dating today means forming all these weird social media connections that you'll NEVER BE ABLE TO GET RID OF.

20. The idea of strategic texting leading up to a date is enough to drive you over the edge.

21. You have what your best friends like to broadly call "commitment issues."

22. You have many other ... valuable ... hobbies that require your time.

23. You LOVE spending quality time with other people. Like Detective Olivia Benson.

24. You have very fulfilling weekend plans and won't let anyone tell you otherwise.