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23 Signs You're An Incurable Hypochondriac

What's that tickle in your throat?

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1. Half your texts to family members are a version of this.

2. Your family has staged an intervention between you and WebMD.

3. You don't REALLY want to be dying, but also sort of do, just to prove a point.

4. Your significant other is Airborne.

(And/or Emergen-C. Or Zicam.)

5. If something's going around, it's all you can talk about.

Even if your chances of actually GETTING it are virtually zero.

6. A bruise, to you, is never JUST a bruise.

It's probably broken. Or a blood clot. Or something they haven't even discovered yet.

7. Your friends call you the "Boy/Girl Who Cried [Disease of the Month]."

8. You Instagram your cold remedies the way other people Instagram their breakfasts.

9. All you see are the ones that say "CRITICAL."

10. You check your heart rate constantly.

11. The fancier-sounding the diagnosis, the surer you are that you have it.

12. You're like, "Yeah, right."

13. You've googled "eyelid twitching" more than once.

(Apparently, non-hypochondriacs don't WORRY about eye twitching???)

14. This is your idea of a beach read.

15. You want to hang this chart as artwork in your home.

16. This is what you give your friends when they're sick.

17. Your friends and coworkers come to you when they're sick because they know you've always got the goods on hand.

18. Your search history looks like the search history of someone looking up improbably elaborate ways to kill someone.

20. This is your favorite aisle.

(Regardless of whether or not you are even gluten-sensitive.)

21. You would believe every one.

22. You're addicted to shows that just make everything worse.

Sure it's fiction but it COULD happen.

23. Yes. The answer is yes.


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