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21 Signs You're Not A Summer Person

*Desperately averts eyes from the sun*

1. Around the middle of May, you experience a sudden, abject dread.


Summer is coming.

2. This forecast makes you want to cry.

True devastation is finding comfort in a day reaching *only* 89 degrees.

3. You hate all the accoutrements of summer: shorts and sandals, to start.


I am intensely uncomfortableeee.

4. Group trips to the beach, for another.

Paramount Pictures

Why... would I want to do that.

5. Raucous beach parties.

Muse Productions

Standing around in a sweaty swimsuit? Sunburn? Squinting? No thank you.

6. You also hate outdoor activities, and being active period.


Fuck endorphins. This is garbage.

7. Your favorite place to be on a bright, sunny day is ... indoors.

Warner Bros.

All the sun is doing is making you feel guilty for it.

8. You regret every guilt-based trip to the park you make.

Oh, it's very hot and uncomfortable, just like last time.

9. You're convinced you have unusually active sweat glands.


Love starting to pour sweat after being outside for two seconds.

10. You'll stay inside all day to avoid the possibility of swamp ass.


Nobody should have to feel butt sweat.

11. You can't fathom the desire to simply lie down in the sand on a sunny, hot day and ... stay there???

Cartoon Network


12. You haven't bought a new swimsuit in three years because the only thing you want to do less than swimsuit shopping is having a colonoscopy.


Hell. No.

13. The thought of all the mosquitoes coming back makes you want to cry.

Universal Pictures

Nowhere is safe.

14. You resent being made to think you should shave your legs.

Universal Pictures

Or if you're not someone who shaves your legs, you feel overwhelming sympathy for those who do.

15. Living without an air conditioner is not an option for you.

Comedy Central

But putting it in (not to mention paying for it) is such a pain.

16. If you try to cool off and enjoy a nice popsicle, you're quickly reminded that it's not even worth it.


Cool, time for the 20th shower of the day.

17. Your hair rejects the weather by attempting to literally escape your head.


And forget ever using the blow-dryer.

18. Unlike everyone else, you book vacation plans to colder places in the summer.

Get. Me. Out of here.

19. Still, you can't shake the sense that you're missing out on something.

Summer is the worst time for FOMO.

20. But then you get your first sunburn, and your mind is made up: summer is the worst.


Forget it. Going inside and staying there.

21. You have a countdown to October/November/December on your calendar.

Touchstone Pictures

Bring on the chill.

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