1.So you're no doubt familiar with Mr. Darcy, the male romantic lead in Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice.
2.Sullen, brooding, stratospherically rich, antisocial, and proud: Mr. Darcy is basically a major dick.
3.And yet! We have all been bamboozled into loving this man. Why is this?
4.He REFUSES to dance, which is always a red flag.
5.Mr. Darcy is one of those guys who goes "I'm fucked up!" like it's a foregone conclusion that for the rest of his life he just gets to be an asshole.
6.He's not cool to parents.
7.He is CONSTANTLY projecting thoughts and feelings onto other people.
8.Do you really want to be with someone who first called you TOLERABLE??
9.This is how Mr. Darcy makes you feel like 80% of the time.
10.He is SUCH a drama queen.
11.CALM DOWN, not everything has to be solved with payoffs and lifelong shunning.
12.And so bossy!
13.So he can string a letter together!!!!! Who cares!!!!!!!!!! Everyone seems way better in the written word.
14.SO WHAT if you feel when he looks at you like you are being pierced through eternal life and joy and mystery and sexiness????? SO WHAT!
15.Ooooooops haha I am NOT actually blushing, no. It is just like, really hot all of a sudden. Outside, everywhere.
16.Does it seem like ... REALLY weirdly sunset-y out here? It sort of seems like there is suspicious solar activity going on. Is Mr. Darcy PART of the solar system, one wonders.
17.Goddammit. God DAMN. IT.
BUILD HIM ALL THE CREEPY STATUES!!! ROW PAST HIS OVERSIZED BODY DAILY IN A SMALL BOAT
