40 Signs That You're Not Good At This Whole "Being A Woman" Thing
All the ladies who truly can't apply false eyelashes, throw your hands up at me.
1. You reliably nick yourself every time your shave.
2. HA HA THAT IS OF COURSE WHEN YOU DO SHAVE.
3. You do not know what to do with this:
4. Or this:
5. DEAR GOD.
6. Ninety percent of your mascara gets on your eyelashes. The other 10% gets on your upper eyelid.
7. When you're wearing blush you feel like a CLOWN.
8. You can't remember the last time you painted your nails.
9. But the last time you did paint them, they looked something like this:
10. Highlighter? You picture the one on the right.
11. You can tear stockings just by looking at them.
12. Clutches will never be anything but ridiculous-looking wallets for GIANTS.
13. You never have the appropriate clothing for occasions.
14. You appreciate a good lady trouser.
15. A respectable, PLEATED lady trouser.
16. LOL "Women are supposed to have soft shoulders."
17. LOL "Women should emphasize the smallest part of their waists."
18. "Doing your hair."
19. "Washing your hair."
20. The only underwear you will wear:
21. Thong: (thông) n.: 1. A permanent wedgie; 2. Everything that is wrong with the world.
22. THESE THINGS.
23. WHAT EVEN ARE THESE THINGS?
24. Attitude toward shoes: apathy.
25. Attitude toward bags: apathy.
26. Which is why ads that depict women as clothing- and shopping-crazed INFURIATE you.
27. And ads that perpetuate the (very false) idea that women (but never men, of course) are supposed to be weight- and diet-obsessed.
28. So essentially every Yoplait, Special K, and Progresso commercial EVER MADE.
29. And continuing along with the apathy thing, attitude toward Taylor Swift: apathy.
30. Bordering on mild irritation.
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