1. You reliably nick yourself every time your shave.
3. You do not know what to do with this:
4. Or this:
5. DEAR GOD.
6. Ninety percent of your mascara gets on your eyelashes. The other 10% gets on your upper eyelid.
7. When you’re wearing blush you feel like a CLOWN.
8. You can’t remember the last time you painted your nails.
9. But the last time you did paint them, they looked something like this:
12. Clutches will never be anything but ridiculous-looking wallets for GIANTS.
24. Attitude toward shoes: apathy.
OK right, because women gaze admiringly and literally HUG their computers when they online shop.
25. Attitude toward bags: apathy.
26. Which is why ads that depict women as clothing- and shopping-crazed INFURIATE you.
27. And ads that perpetuate the (very false) idea that women (but never men, of course) are supposed to be weight- and diet-obsessed.
HOW DID THIS COMMERCIAL EVER EVEN AIR?
28. So essentially every Yoplait, Special K, and Progresso commercial EVER MADE.
And probably all made by men.
32. Bra logic.
And probably the worst part of it all…
40. You can’t relate to this Chaka Khan song.
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