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    59 Things I Think About When I Date Online

    Thinking about trying out online dating? You may want to think again.

    59 Things I Think About When I Date Online

    1. I can’t believe I’m having to resort to online dating. ME?!

    2. Oooh, this is kinda fun.

    3. Wow, men really do love fish.

    4. And tigers.

    5. Does cuddling a tiger really make you more attractive to the opposite sex?

    6. Ergo, are tigers therefore sexy?

    7. Men sure do sleep a lot. Who takes the photo of the men pretending to sleep?

    8. That spelling though. Ouch. Illiteracy is not hot.

    9. *double checks spelling of illiteracy*

    10. What does ‘looking for fun’ actually mean? Isn’t that a prerequisite of dating?

    11. OH! THAT type of fun!

    12. I am checking my messages way too much. I’ve got work to do.

    13. *checks messages again*

    14. Do men read profiles anyway? Or should I just write ‘lksdflkjwelk’ like them?

    15. Put your shirt back on man!

    16. I can’t decide if this is fun or depressing.

    17. Please stop putting photos of your kids on your profile!

    18. Awww, that baby’s SO cute!

    19. At last! Someone that can hold a decent conversation!

    20. He’s married? Brilliant.

    21. Why is this guy in a bath? At least shave your back man.

    22. No, I’m not looking for a younger guy.

    23. Although …

    24. Oh, you live with your Mum? Yup, definitely not looking for a younger guy.

    25. ‘Hi/hey’ is not a good chat-up line.

    26. Stop saying ‘hi’ … I’m ignoring you.


    28. Christ sake … I’ll just reply to say I’m not interested.

    29. Now he thinks I like him! Bloody hell.

    30. *finds block button*

    31. Why are you standing in front of a urinal?! Where’s the romance man?!

    32. “Hows u?” Is an apostrophe and a few extra letters too much to ask for?

    33. Men sure do love a winky face. (That’s ‘winky’.)


    35. Oh he’s cute.

    36. Yes, I am a writer. No, I don’t write novels.

    37. This website is so, so bad.

    38. So bad.

    39. Is it worth paying for a decent website? It has to be better than this shit.

    40. *tilts head* It doesn’t bode well if a man can’t upload a photo the right way up.

    41. Wow … interesting tattoo on your face. *scrolls on*

    42. At least tidy up your lounge first before you take a selfie. Jesus.

    43. Oooh, I like his lamp.

    44. I need a catchy headline. That is also not too slutty.

    45. How much cleavage is too much cleavage?

    46. Do I want to date a 65 year old? Not so much. But thanks.

    47. 'Snuggle up & watch a DVD on the sofa’ is the most boring sentence I've ever read.

    48. I hate dating.

    49. I love dating.

    50. I’m taking a break.

    51. Or should I sign up for a 6 month subscription?

    52. Let’s see who’s checked me out? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

    53. I’m an awful person who will die alone.

    54. FFS. ‘Professional’ is spelt with one ‘f’.

    55. *cries*

    56. ‘Being normal’ is an underrated criteria for a dating profile.

    57. Tht msg dsnt evn mk sns!

    58. I’m never going back on this stupid bloody dating site.

    59. *signs up for twelve months whilst selling a kidney to pay for it*

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