1. Can't believe my friends are making me go out tonight.
2. OK, fine, I’m secretly delighted. I won’t let on, though.
3. Not up for a big Harcourt Street night though – Toners'll do.
4. Close to work and everything, perfect.
5. Two for €8? Jesus that's a good deal.
6. We'll take eight.
7. No, no, no. I'll get the first round.
8. Get me back, sure.
9. Shall we just call a spade a spade and head to Coppers?
10. *nervous laughter* haha guys, I'm obviously joking.
11. No, no it's grand, I hate that place anyway HAHAHA.
12. *checks Tinder*
13. And that's the 14th person I've seen urinating in the street thus far.
14. Oh shit, is that my ex?
15. The hack.
16. *checks Tinder again*
17. Okay guys, I don't mean to alarm you, but we need to go to the nearest cheapest bar we can find.
18. THE PAV you beautiful beacon, how lovely are your cans.
19. Greetings my good man, we will have three Sex On The Cricket Creases please.
20. Rónan! How are ya? C'mere and do a shot with me.
21. Be gas!
22. Good LORD the shot names here are horrific. Does that say what I think it says?!
23. But, chips.
24. I'll also take eight Prazsky.
25. Okay I'm sick of students.
26. Away to Alchemy with you all, t'fuck.
27. Leave the drinking to the young professionals. (I'm so poor)
28. But for now… ONWARDS.
29. TO SOPHIE'S TO SIT ON THE SWINGS.
30. But if you didn't Insta it, were you even there?
31. Look - there's Rozanna Purcell with an oversized Luas ticket and a bottle of ketchup outside Lillies Bordello.
32. Oh, Irish photocalls, what are you like.
33. My, my that's a long ATM queue.
34. Don't these idiots know about the ATMs inside AIB Grafton Street?
35. Heh heh, eejits.
36. SHUT UP KEYWEST.
37. Now that I'm minted, let's buy drinks for all of my new friends.
38. You and you and you and you and even YOU.
39. (Please don't accept my offer, I'm so poor)
40. Wasn't that lad on The Voice of Ireland?
41. Yeah can we also have 7, 8, 9, yeah 10 packets of Tayto with that round too please?
42. No lads, I swear to GOD that's one of Jedward.
43. He drinks Smithwicks!!!!
44. Is that a dog playing a tin whistle whilst doing keepy-uppies outside Stephen's Green?!
45. Here, will someone grab me a Hailo as I'm going to Coppers with ye or without ye.
46. Ahhhh go on go on go on go on go on.
47. Success! Up Ireland!
48. They always cave.
49. *goes to ATM again* I am sooooo rich.
50. WHY IS EVERYONE PISSING EVERYWHERE ON HARCOURT STREET.
51. Oh look, the queue is only 2,927,364 people long.
52. That's not bad for a Wednesday.
53. Look at all these potential suitors, all gasping to claim my heart. Wonder do any have road frontage.
54. Ride. Ride. Ride. Ride. Ride. Ride.
55. Oh God, the burger van outside D2 smells like heaven on Earth.
56. But, I couldn't get chips before the club.
57. …could I?
58. Christ that queue moved quickly.
59. I am part human-part stampede.
60. *coughs* GOD I'm so GLAD I drank so much COFFEE tonight.
61. Heh heh, the bouncers will never know.
62. That's hardly Bono???
63. No no no, just Shay Given with a pair of shades.
64. Oh well, on we hup.
65. *dwells between bar and dancefloor for four consecutive hours*
66. The smoking area IS MADE OF LAVA.
67. *lights flicker on and off as Riverdance plays faintly in the background*
68. LAST ORDERS.
69. FUCK.
70. GIVE ME EVERY JÄGERBOMB YOU HAVE.
71. *wakes up the next morning with one shoe, smelling deeply of curry cheese chips and covered in rainwater*
72. Oh my God.
73. Great night.