7 Things We Are All Way Too Tired Of Hearing When Our Lives Are Falling Apart

hopeless, helpless, jobless

Lets face it, we all have those friends who try to cheer us up when things aren't going right but clearly just don't know what to say. They resort to cliché quotes that we could have spared them the energy by googling ourselves and they reference biblical texts that just aren't exactly… reference-able, if you will.

These overused quotes and biblical references tend to originate from the biblical book of Job, which starts off with Satan challenging God that Job will not remain faithful if God takes away everything that Job has (Job 1-2). Instead of completely turning against God, Job decides to trust that God's plan for him is greater than his own plan (Job 42:1-6). In the end, God gives Job everything he took away from him and more (Job 42:10-17).

This story of Job sounds like a pretty sweet deal—as long as you stay faithful to God, he will reward you in the end. However, a closer examination of the text leaves many unanswered questions that contest the legitimacy of using Job as a source to comfort those in pain. If God was able to take away all of Job's grief and sorrow for the children that he lost, why can't he do the same for us? Why would God let all of Job's children suffer and die when the story was only supposed to be on Job's suffering? The only answer to these questions is that the parable of Job is simply just a parable.

In his poem "Homily", Dan Pagis writes about this clash between God and Satan that has Job at the spotlight. He illustrates how "the forces were unequal" and "the contest was unfair" ("Homily"). He searches for the answer of what the most terrible thing was in the story of Job. He ponders different options, but comes to the conclusion: "But in fact, the most terrible thing of all is that Job never existed and was just a parable" ("Homily"). While the entire Christian population is telling us that our struggles are going to be okay and using Job as a primary example, Job is merely a story told to teach a lesson. Which is a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad realization for those who look to this text for support.

In "On Parables", Kafta explains what people mean when they use parables: "When the sage says: 'Go over', he does not mean that we should cross over to some actual place…he means some fabulous yonder, something unknown to us, something too that he cannot designate more precisely, and therefore cannot help us here in the very least." Parables are not meant to be taken literally, but to give insight and wisdom. Kafka continues, "All these parables really set out to say merely that the incomprehensible is incomprehensible, and we know that already" ("On parables"). Parables are only meant to teach us lessons and influence how we act; they are not a true story. So, why is Job interpreted so literally? What is the point in making up a parable to prove a point when the story is not even true in the first place? And, most importantly, why do people keep using the following statements to make us feel better when they are derived from just a mere parable?

1. “Everything happens for a reason. God knows what he is doing, trust Him.”

The phrase "everything happens for a reason" might be one of the most overused phrases in the English language. When searched for on Google, over 271 million results come up. To put it in comparison, football star Tim Tebow gets 9 million results and the legendary singer Beyoncé racks up 140 million. This phrase is a measly excuse for when an acquaintance is experiencing misfortune and we do not know what to say. We offer our best reassurances, stating that there is a specific cause for every unfortunate turn of events and that each hardship will simply lead to something better. So you wrote a 20 page assignment that took you 4 weeks and is 50% of your grade but your computer just crashed it's due tomorrow? "It's ok man, everything happens for a reason." No! No one can possibly say that situations like these happen and leave us off on a better foot than we started with.

Our peers then make matters worse by ironically deciding to use the story of Job as proof that God knows what he is doing. However, as Pagis points out, Job is just a fictional story about a fictional character ("Homily"). One cannot prove a point by sharing a story that is only just a parable. In "On Parables", Kafka writes, "Many complain that the words of the wise are always merely parables and of no use in daily life". He continues on by writing that parables are made up by wise people because they explain "something too that he cannot designate more precisely" and that parables prove that "the incomprehensible is incomprehensible" ("On Parables"). Based off of this explanation, wouldn't the parable of Job have been created into a parable in the first place because even the wisest people could not even explain why certain things happen? So they came up with a parable to explain it so people would stop worrying? That's definitely something to think about next time you're tempted to tell someone that everything happens for a reason.

2. “God only makes our struggles as tough as we can handle.”

We have all heard the classic "you can handle this; you are so strong!" from our friends and family members when we find ourselves facing struggles and trials. Christians often pull God into the equation, stating that God limits our trials by only throwing our way what he knows we can handle. People almost always turn to Job to express this because it contains the best textual support for this idea. Christians bring up that when Satan was first challenging the Lord about Job's faithfulness, God stressed that Satan could not harm Job himself when he said, "Look, all that he has is in your hands. Only against him do not reach out your hand" (Job 1:12). Later, Satan challenges God again and God agrees to the challenge as long as Job's life is spared.

Though these biblical passages seem like God is limiting the pain that is brought on to Job, a closer look and interpretation may change your mind. How large are these "limits" and what does it mean that God only gives us struggles that he knows that we can "handle"? Pagis expresses his opinion that "the contest was unfair" because Satan was a "grand seigneur in heaven" and Job was "mere flesh and blood" ("Homily"). The pain that God allowed to be brought to Job went beyond Job's limits because Job was facing a force that he could not fight. Job had no real chance against Satan. With the second time Satan comes to contest God, God allows for Satan to do anything but take his life. Job even wishes he was not alive when he curses the day he was born, saying, "Why did I not die from the womb, from the belly come out, breathe my last?" (Job 3:11). Job would have been much happier if the Satan HAD in fact taken his life, which makes the limits God enacted seem pretty, well, limitless.

God's so-called "limits" he places on our struggles also come into question when we consider those who turn to drug and alcohol use to cope with their problems. These people are flushing away their lives to cope with their struggles, which makes it seem as though if God really does think he is placing limits on the trials we face, God does not actually understand the concept of a limit.

3. “God always rewards us in the end. Just have patience.”

We always hear that our adversities will be made up to us if we preserve through our hard times by remaining close to God. We are told that being faithful to God will pay off in the end because he will reward us by doing good things in our lives. We are expected to find comfort in the fact that Job went on to live to be 140 years old and was satisfied with a better family and more animals than he started off with (Job 42:10-17); however, this is an experience that an estimated 0% of people have ever encountered as a reward following a trial where they remained close to God.

God took Job's grief about his kids away, but this is not something that ever happens when a loved one dies. It is possible to love something new in a different way, but love for a particular, certain thing is original and cannot be replaced. Pagis describes the way Job was compensated for his pain, "Therefore his wealth was restored, he was given sons and daughters—new ones, of course—and his grief for the first children was taken away" ("Homily"). Before Pagis reveals that the actual worst part of Job is that Job was merely a parable, he argues that this exact "retribution" was one of the worst parts of the whole biblical book of Job. He leaves the reasons why up to the interpretations of the reader, but I believe that the reason is that this outcome to Job's experiences is so unattainable to those of us on earth that it is hard to look to this book during a personal struggle, fully understand it, and still have hope in God.

4. “Bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people. That’s just the way it is.”

I am not going to argue anything against this statement; it is perfectly accurate. However, to those that use the book of Job as a reference to support this concept: the story of Job is still merely just a parable that has "of no use in daily life" ("On Parables").

5. “God is just testing you.”

This might be the most annoying thing to be told by your friends if you feel like your life is falling apart. Just as God tests Job's loyalty and faith when Satan questions what Job would do if Job's life fell apart (Job 1), God is apparently sending burdens and problems our way for no other reason than to test us. Sure, Job understands that part of his suffering had to do with proving to God that he was a loyal servant. However, Job never realizes that a silly game between the opposing forces of God and Satan was what causes his misery. Pagis feels for Job's misery, writing, "Job, who has lost all his wealth and had been bereaved of his sons and daughter and stricken with loathsome boils, wasn't even aware that it was a contest" ("Homily"). As Job realizes it is best to trust in God's plan, he does not realize that God's plan at the moment is only just to use Job as his "guinea pig" to prove a point to Satan.

In a modern day context, it comes to be the icing on the top of the cake when you are told that the reason you lost your job and are being evicted from your home is just because God is questioning your loyalty. It seems as though a God so powerful would know whether or not one of his subjects was loyal or not and not need to waste all of our time and energy sending us bad luck when we have been behaving just fine, thank you very much.

6. “God uses our struggles to shape our character. It makes you grow closer to Him and trust Him.”

Many people try to relieve the pain of those suffering by telling them that our struggles shape our character and bring us closer to God. When Job comes to terms with the fact that God has caused him suffering due to reasons Job might not understand, Job declares, “I know you can do anything, and no devising is beyond you. Who is this obscuring counsel without knowledge? Therefore I told but did not understand, wonders beyond me that I did not know… Therefore do I recant, and I repent in dust and ashes” (Job 42:2-3,6). Job is acknowledging God’s power and master plans for himself. For some reason, people choose to draw closer to the God who could end their misery but still chooses not to. Why would we praise the one who could save a life from disease, but lets the victim die a slow, miserable death? Why should we trust or find comfort in a God who seemingly tortures us for reasons that are unclear?

7. “God knows what is best for us and keeps our best interests in mind.”

Many times we are also expected to find consolation in the fact that God knows our best “interests”. But what if what God thinks our best interests are do not match up with the way we want to live our lives? It’s kind of like when your parents want you to go to medical school but you’d rather drop out and play the guitar in a band. God would obviously want for us to go on mission trips to third world countries and go good for the world, but sometimes that does not line up with our own wishes. Our goals are different from God’s and we would be unhappy if we had to pursue what God thought our best interests were and we would not enjoy our lives.

In the situation of Job, he is under the impression that God is keeping his best interests in mind and letting certain things happen for a reason that Job will later understand. Job may be satisfied with his new children and new animals, but these new gifts do not necessarily mean that God is looking out for the best interests of Job. Pagis points out that Job “defeated his opponent without even realizing it” (“Homily”). He also writes the possibility that “the most terrible thing was Job’s ignorance: not understanding whom he defeated, or even that he had won” (“Homily”). Job thinks that God is giving him difficulties for a reason that is yet to be revealed, but God is really involving Job in his personal matters to prove Satan wrong. Job was naïve to the actual reason God was inflicting pain upon him and had no idea of the competition that he had triumphed in. Though some may believe that God always looks out for our best interests, the story of Job depicts God as a selfish God who will put his own pride over the well being of one of his subjects.

But, in the end, none of it matters because Job is still simply just a parable.