1. "Oh we went to high school right?"
Yes, dude we went to high school. First, it was only four years ago and second; I was your friend's prom date. Please just let me work out and don't talk to me again.
2. I know you didn’t wipe down that machine
You saw me waiting for your machine. You just wiped your sweaty palms all over the handlebars and yet you don't wipe it off. Thanks, I really wanted to interact with your sweat today. Rude.
3. Water fountain stare down
So, you were at the fountain first but are now staring at me to see if I am going to fill my bottle first. I'm staring at you because I know you were first and I'm trying to be polite. We go for it at the same time, back away at the same time and then are trapped and thirsty.
4. Yoga farter
It happens at all yoga class, it's the quietest part of the class or there is some funky pose that just makes it happen. It's hilarious, until it happens to you. It's awkward every time.
5. Grunting weight lifter
They have Beats by Dre on and blasting it to the maximum level. He is lifting something probably too heavy for his own good. He is making the most awkward grunting noises and you're not sure if it's his sex noise or a slowing dying animal.
6. Way too short shorts
It's always the older men. They are skinny and they are pale. Their shorts look like the basketball shorts they wore when they were young in the 1950s. You can't help, but look, even though you know every glance is just another nightmare waiting to happen.
7. Creepy man stare
Sir, I didn't come to the gym so that you could stare at me while I am stretching. I prefer that you looked in the other direction or just leave. And yes that nasty scowl on my face is directed right towards you.
8. Are you going to a party after this?
Did you put on makeup at the gym or at home? Either way, you are wearing too much, for anyone, anytime. Please don't think that by wearing all that makeup you are going to attract price charming. You may attract men, but those are the type that will most definitely break your heart.