24 Alternatives To McDonald’s Breakfast

Put down the Egg McMuffin and try one of these more enticing ideas instead! For your safety & well being, do not ingest.

1. An eroded piece of Mt. Rushmore

Nothing like a little bit of history to start off the day!

2. The fish that’s mounted on your grandparents’ living room wall

I’m sure it’s still fresh.

3. Saltine crackers

For those days where you’re feeling extra daring.

4. Dust bunnies from under your bed

Nothing a little ketchup can’t fix.

5. A traveler’s check

Nobody uses these things anyway.

6. Cotton swabs


7. Eggs

Real eggs. Remember those?

8. This wallet that looks like a cookie

If it looks like a cookie, who’s to say it doesn’t taste like one?

9. Hawaiian lei

Let your stomach get lei’d for once.

10. Boogers

Don’t pretend you didn’t already consider this one.

11. Your sister’s homework

Dogs must love it for a reason!

12. Those leftovers in the back of your fridge from two weeks ago

They’re not gonna get rid of themselves.

13. Mayonnaise

Promote it from a condiment to a main course.

14. A pop album from 2000

Get your daily dose of Vitamin C.

15. Chimichanga

Saying it is half the fun!

16. Your own tears

Who said sadness can’t be nutritious?

17. The cereal at the bottom of the box

Crumby doesn’t always equal crummy.

18. Pineapple chunks

They even come in a can! How convenient!

19. Dryer sheets

Mmmm it’s like rectangular cotton candy!

20. A box of staples

How else will people know how tough you are?

21. The store Staples

That was easy.

22. This.

Coming to a store near you!

23. The Geico gecko

He’s had it coming for years now.

24. A bran muffin

Okay, obviously this last one’s a joke. No one’s that desperate!

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